Tour De Crazy II Revs Up

To every season, turn, turn, turn.

It was one year ago this spring that TomKat officially blossomed and spread like a schizophrenic weed through summer and fall.

Then it was as if someone released a tank of Round Up into the atmosphere: TomKat went dormant, emerging here and there for a few staged photos of the couple engaged in uncomfortable PDA or Katie in various stages of balloonage.

(photo: Heir Incubator Katie appears to be carrying sextuplets or harboring a zeppelin >>>)

While many wished upon stars for TomKat to disappear, others -- prone to morbid fascination (myself included) -- were left longing for the heyday of last summer. Who could forget Cruise's Tour De Crazy '05 when the vertically-challenged actor cut a swath of career destruction through media outlets here and abroad. He bashed psychology, prosthelytized about Scientology and generally acted like a crazy person, jumping around like Gollum in close proximity to the Ring at the mere mention of Katie Holmes.

But springtime brings rejuvenation. With MI3 due out in May and his first biological (I use that adj. lightly) child due imminently, Cruise is poised to kick off Tour De Crazy II this spring. And if the early previews are any indication, this tour could be twice as whack as last year’s.

Previews:

-Last month, Cruise rode a motorcycle onto a German television show. He likely regarded Germany as a safe haven to re-enter the movie publicity realm as it is a country that regards David Hasselhoff as some kind of hairy messiah.

-An April 9th Parade Magazine article describes Katie as "walking around looking dazed and vacant." Next month's issue of GQ shows the pair twirling about in the desert, groping one another in testimony to their fake-love.
Random Aside: I've always been suspicious of anyone who is constantly doing PR for his/her relationship. This is a classic example.

-A few weeks ago, the news broke about secret "silent birth" rituals and how Cruise was supposedly having an adult-sized binky made for Katie to shut her up during childbirth.

Then, last Friday, Cruise appeared on PrimeTime with Diane Sawyer. I don't know if his publicist spoke to him sharply beforehand or if he took two Valium with a side of Ritalin, but he was much more sedate than we've grown accustomed to. Nevertheless, he's still juiced up on his own self-importance and comes off as a total control freak. For instance, when he said of the impending birth: “If Katie needs an epidural. She’ll get an epidural." -- I didn’t quite believe him. My guess is that he’ll give her some cupcakes and tell her to keep quiet.

Random prediction: Katie will be post-partum and throngs of “Free Katie” zealots will descend upon Cruise’s home trying to smuggle her some Wellbutrin.

During the interview, Cruise also discusses how the tenets of Scientology helped him overcome a learning disability. He said that nobody should disrespect something that worked for him just because they think Scientology is a pseudo-religion. I totally agree. BUT...Antidepressant drugs have helped many people overcome post-partum depression, ADHD, anxiety and a host of other mood disorders. He should not disrespect what worked for them just because he thinks psychology is a pseudo-science. He loses his right to complain about being disrespected when he's being so blatantly disrespectful. I have nothing against Scientology and I'm quite fond of crazy people, but I can't stand hypocrites.

That said, if Matt Lauer gets to interview Cruise again this summer, I'm going to need a crash helmet.