Quizzilla De Bags

This week's deliciously insightful, slightly probing quizzilla questions come courtesy of the Bags family.

1) What is the most annoying TV ad, past or present?
I would say the “Head On -- Apply directly to the forehead” commercial but I think its intent is to annoy. That said, I cannot STAND that ridiculous Avis commercial where the misty-eyed corporate traveler falls in love with his rental car’s GPS system because it not only helps him avoid traffic jams but also found him some “awesome Chinese.” This foolish discourse is only made more horrendous by “Total Eclipse of the Heart” playing in the background.

2) When was the last time you were lectured by one of your parents and for what?
I wouldn't call it lecturing so much as a running dissertation to discredit my childcare abilities (or lack thereof) and my doctor’s diagnoses that, according to my mother, should be taken with a grain of salt. For instance, both kids were diagnosed with double ear infections recently. Her reaction: “Ear infections? I don’t think so. Look at their faces. They are clearly suffering from sinus infections. Where did your doctor get his degree? Target?” It’s important to note here, that my mother is a retired English school teacher and doesn’t have a degree in medicine. I recently reminded her that you can never give kids aspirin because of the threat of Reyes Syndrome. Her response: “Well, I don’t believe in that, but that's your call.” Hundreds of doctors and years of medical research to the contrary simply cannot stand. In all fairness, it’s not just my mother. I hear the same story from everyone I know whose parents are in their 60s. It’s completely generational – and apparently the generation that chain smoked and boozed it up during pregnancy have a corner on the facts. But as my parents start spending more time in Florida every year, they're softening a bit, This week, they didn't have an opinion on childcare. They were more interested on sharing the details of their excursion to a gay bar in Marina Del Ray to see a Frank Sinatra impersonator. I’m thisclose to getting them to the cabaret show at Jacques.

3) When is the last time you had the bed spins?
After LPD’s Boston Marathon fundraiser a few years ago. The bed spins were preceded by the High Street spins and the cab spins. Nic and I drank three apple martinis a piece before the doors even opened. What a tawdry sideshow to behold.

4) Is Dice-K's gyroball fact or fiction?
I hope it exists as long as it’s in the hands of the good guys. In anyone else’s hands, I hope the gyroball proves itself to be as life-like as Godzilla or the Smog Monster.

5) Will Tom Brady's love child be a boy or girl?
If it turns out he’s knocked up both girlfriends, maybe he’ll get one of each.