More Airtime for Anorexic Slut

I hate myself a little for even writing about this. (And FYI, it'll be chock full of "personal attacks.")

We all know this useless whore will die an anonymous Eleanor-Rigby-like death one day when everyone stops paying attention. Still, the only thing I could think of while witnessing the exchange between Elizabeth Edwards and Slutbag was, “Why oh why can’t she be the one with cancer?” She’s already rotting on the inside as it is. Bring on the slow painful death – sooner rather than later.

In case you haven't heard, the hateful skank -- wearing that same semen-stained cocktail dress --- was shooting her mouth off on Hardball again last night. Halfway through the show, Elizabeth Edwards sneak-attacked with a call-in to confront the bitch about comments she made about her husband, comments that I won't deign to elaborate on here. Edwards, giving the horse-faced wench much more courtesy than she deserved, requested that she refrain from using personal attacks and stick to the issues. Slutbag, from her crazy-infested altered reality, responded: "You're telling me to stop writing books.” Which is not what Edwards said at all.

More logical conclusions would have been:

Edwards: “Please refrain from using personal attacks.”
Tired whore: “I like Curious George.”
Edwards: “Debate on the issues”
Tired whore: “Tomato plants!”

But the disease-ridden loudmouth was only doing what she does best when she is on the ropes: She obfuscates the issue instead of addressing it -- which is the pinnacle of lame. Unfortunately, the people who follow her are too slow-witted and depraved in their own right to see this. These people, her "fans," scare me. Seriously, what kind of horrors were they exposed to in childhood that allow them to support this odious bottomfeeder? Did you see the dude in the crowd with the “marry me” sign? WTF. I guess the logical conclusion here would be that men who support her can only get it up for hideous-looking trannies.

Alas, ratings whores are now on par with the media whores. Much like Paris Hilton, Skankypants would melt away like a wet wicked witch without coverage. It's partly our fault. As viewers, we're taking the bait. We're paying attention, tuning in, talking about it, blogging about it. Oh, God, I freaking hate myself right now.

Toss her in a Landfill

(Recycle me)

Paris Hilton wears her stupidity and uselessness like a tacky tiara. So you know she is absolutely thrilled to show the world that she’s too weak in spirit to serve her sentence like a big girl. She loves sending the message that the laws don’t apply to her and her ilk. Just as she gets a rush from cutting the lines at LA’s nightclub of the week – she gets off on everyone knowing that she has privileges that regular people don’t. “You will never get into my club. Suck it, peons.” When you’re Paris Hilton, you don’t persevere or be penitent, you do some jumping jacks and get taken out for a Slushpuppy. When you’re Paris Hilton, you don’t suck it up in private shame, you get dumb toadies like MTV VJ Suchin Pak calling you “courageous” for showing up on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards.

Luckily, this whore has an expiration date. Karmic retribution will come with middle age when she’s marveling at her own boring irrelevance. Something tells me that ferret face is not going to age well.

Anyway, the big question today: Will she or won’t she go back to the slammer? There is all this talk about “overcrowding” but she’s a waste of space whether she’s in jail or not. My solution: Her soul may be plastic but she’s biodegradable. Screw jail. Toss her in a landfill somewhere. Stuff her ass in a recycle bin and turn her into a sustainable energy source. Maybe she and her natty hair extensions can finally make themselves useful

Apocalypse Cocktail Lounge: Know Your Anti-Christ Candidates

Good news: Part-time Governor and Mormon Gay Basher Mitt Romney left Massachusetts for good today. Bad news: We'll likely see his formaldehyde-drenched mug more in the next two years than we have in the past four as he makes a run for the White House. On the campaign trail, he'll be trashing Massachusetts and the people who elected him. He'll also be spreading his freshly crafted messages of bigotry and hatred like the opportunistic robot he is. But I must admit, he is undoubtedly the strongest candidate. For the Anti-Christ.


(Shit!)

While The Hoff came out strong early on, he will certainly wither beneath the soulless, blind ambition of The Rom (a fitting nickname).

Tired Whore on Today Show

It’s only a matter of time now before we learn of Ann Coulter’s untimely death in a backyard propane explosion. She’s finally had her jump the shark moment.

The hateful skank showed up on the Today Show in a cocktail dress at 7 a.m yesterday where she served up her predictable batch of bile-flavored hag juice.

In her latest book, she attacks 9/11 widows for using the tragedy to make a political point. “I’ve never seen women enjoying their husbands death so much,” she writes. Apparently, Coulter thinks these women should remain silent and in the fetal position and do absolutely nothing to avenge their husbands' deaths. These widows did not ask to be on the political stage, they were thrust upon it. Coulter, however, has whored her way onto it shamelessly and has done absolutely nothing of value in her lifetime. Her only accomplishment as far as I can see has been to incite the ignorant. If anyone is exploiting the tragedy here, it is Coulter – to sell her stupid book.

She, like any jerk in a bar on weekend night, evangelizes without substance. At least Matt Lauer repeated her words back to her and tried to make her explain herself. But Coulter stuck to her standard formula: instead of backing up her statements, she changed the subject, saying “you’re getting testy with me.” I don’t think Matt L. has had as much fun since being called “glib” by the Cruise last year. He’s making quite a name for himself interviewing the insane. I’d love to see him round up the bums on 52nd street for a panel discussion on current events.

Read transcript from Lauer interview here.