1. Do you remember the first viral video you ever watched?
Yes. It still makes me laugh out loud, especially the prairie dogger in the neighboring cubicle. I have a day like this at least once a week.
2. Do you trust your first impressions?
I've learned to. Nine out of 10 times when I take the "benefit of the doubt" route, I regret it and subsequently suffer a visible disdain for other humans. It's gotten easier and I have some helpful hints: If someone seems to sharpen invisible weapons in your presence - Run. If someone is using the loo in your house and you get the sneaking suspicion they're installing a secret toilet cam - Run.
3. Who’s the biggest DB celebrity?
Patricia Heaton. Graceless shitstack. It must suck to hate women so much and be one at the same time.
4. Write a haiku about your driving skills.
Don’t hit that mailbox
Panicked curb-grazing sucka
Pass the Ativan
5. What movie do you find yourself quoting over and over again?