30 March 2008

Suppah Club: Totally Gaslit

For a few years, my favorite verb has been "to gaslight." Gaslighting, if you don't know, is form of psychological torture where aspects of a victim's environment are subtly altered, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc. I've long suspected my family of gaslighting me with all the moving of shoes and excessive Natasha Beddingfield songs. But now I have a new variation on my favorite verb:
To gaslight (v): To enjoy several carafes of Cote du Rhone at Gaslight in the South End, thereby experiencing a warm, overall sense of well being and finding everything, as a neighbor once said, "tits-out-on-the-Blue Line hilarious"

The new definition comes courtesy of this month's Suppah Club where we gathered at this fab "brasserie un coin"(brasserie on the corner) on what was once the shite end of Harrison Avenue. Just a few years ago, the only thing on this corner was a belligerent homeless person armed with a lighter and hairspray. Now, thanks to the folks at Aquitaine, it's one of pomme frites and garlic braised escarole and all things au poivre. A place that, according to its website, "courts all who appreciate a good time." Right on. Also, there is FREE PARKING, as in, "Park anywhere, ladies, it's free." Before you could say tinkle winkle, LPD pulled into a spot and she, Auntie and I busted into a slow jog toward the entrance. Inside, we feasted pomme heavy and enjoyed several half carafes, toasting Cameo's passing of the Series 7 and how James bribed her with New york strip steaks to bring her new boyfriend to our house.

Gwennie does a dramatic reenactment of Steven Tyler freaking out after being asked for ID at Logan.

Next Suppah Club theme: Steaks & Sex in the suburbs.

25 March 2008

Random Quizzilla

1) Did you get up early to watch the Sox today ? (Or, Bags, did you sleep in and watch the Sox?)
Recorded and rewound it. Watching it right now-extra innings. Thanks, Brandon Moss! That'll be a flame fanner for all the crazy-eyed J.D. Drew haters.

2) If you were to make your living as a photographer, what subject would your pictures revolve around?
People. Portraits, etc.

3) Share a beauty or grooming trick.
Did you know you can curl your hair with a flat iron? Really need a GHD iron to do it properly, though, especially if you have gawky paws and a tiny head. Apparently, the GHD is the maharishi of styling tools; it fires up to 400 degrees in under 30 seconds and can straighten or curl hair, heat up an entire floor of your house. But since it uses infrared heat, it actually protects your hair from heat damage so you don't end up looking like this after repeated use. It works great but it's tough not to crease up the back (gawky paws/tiny head). I'm going to try to convince James to watch a few of the tutorials on youtube so he can curl the back for me. I'll likely get a similar response to when I told him we needed to learn canine massage to ward off Vito's future hip problems. "Don't even show me how to do it."

4) When was the last time you went out to dinner and where?
Coda with Maria and Apryl last week (the old Tim's Tavern). Great place; very similar to the Franklin. Burgers and Malbec-yum.

5) Do you take any vitamins and supplements?
A ridiculous amount. I'm shivering in my wool wrap, popping B vitamins and green tea extract. I need to swipe one of those color-coded pill dispensers from a nursing home.

19 March 2008

Example #7809 of How the Fates Conspire to Make Me Look Like a White Trash Mama Despite All Efforts to the Contrary

In the constant fielding of questions from wee brown ones, there are the ones you can’t answer: “Mama, why do we have eyebrows” and the ones you don’t want to answer: “Mama, what’s a threesome?”

Who wants popsicles!?

(Thanks, Gov. McGreevey)

It’s getting worse. Caroline is starting to read and is fluent in TiVo. Add that to our growing list of “bad combinations” when you consider our program list is half kid shows, half adult. One wrong click and you’re screwed. We found this out the hard way last week when they ended up watching an episode of The Family Guy. We’re still dealing with the repurcussions.

In the episode they watched, Stewie, the sardonic infant with the British accent, poses as a high schooler and invites one of the popular girls to “Anal Point." After the encounter, he is nicknamed “baby penis.” Also in the episode, Peter has a stroke after eating too many hamburgers and loses use of his entire left side before being cured by stem cell research.

And here come more questions you don't want to answer...

“Mama, what’s a stroke?”

It’s a song by Billy Squier! Who wants to download it!?

..and the random shouting of quotes from the episode:

At Hannaford, in Stewie’s voice:

“This girl is making out with a baby, a NUUUUDE baby!”

“Baby Penis! Baby Penis!”

When you ask Caroline how school was, she answers with a pitch-perfect Peter: “I’ve had better days, Lois, better days.”

(Do they sell stem cells at the market?)
Also, Paulie is telling everyone he encounters that his rubber pet alligator that he carries with him everywhere “had a stroke.” That went over really well at the preschool.

Like other obsessions, this will fade. All we can do is delete the show from TiVo and wait it out. In the meantime, I’m running out of distractions.

17 March 2008

St. Paddy's in a Tuba Free Zone

We completely lost our minds and ventured into the Southie Parade in yesterday's wet drizzle. But with P and Maria’s place being just steps away from the parade route (i.e, shelter, bathrooms and refreshments), it made for a pleasant rainy afternoon in SoBo. Even better, while we gawked on Broadway, Margaret Mary K. boiled up a corned beef and cabbage feast, sipping her annual Bailey’s on the rocks (this resulted in some foot stomping and a self-imposed walk to Dunkin Donuts for “fresh air” later in the day.) At the parade, we found a decent spot among the green throngs where we sidled up alongside the Comcast TV cameras. Here, the parade halted from time to time with step dancers and marching bands and -- inexplicably -- a flatbed truck blaring Sean Kingston tunes. (Aside: Paulie is a big fan of horses, but not so much of the tuba.) Candy was thrown from the Buicks of local octogenarians and mardi gras beads were tossed out by troops just back from Iraq. The kids caught rubber balls and plastic parachutemen and 11 coupons to the new Sam Adams Brewhouse. Of course, all of this swag was even more fun than the $15 inflatables purchased from the parade vendor/rapist. Then, just when Paulie had turned the corner with regard to the tubas, the MF Lexington Minutemen started shooting off their muskets like Yosemite Sam and we had to bail. We headed back to the house and indulged in a delectable CB & C dinner and C&P sideshow. Then we grabbed some Irish soda bread and chocolate-dipped strawberries and watched the secondary parade of reveling paddies file past the window, pausing now and again to dry heave behind Amrheins.

But, it gets better....No words necessary, just wait for it and absorb the awesomeness. Slainte!

12 March 2008

Vito vindicated by Today Show, does Humpty Dance

("yeah, I called you fat, look at me, I'm skinny" -Vito)

Plump, portly, big-boned, corpulent: After watching a segment on the Today Show this morning, we may have to retire those oft-used Vito adjectives. Check out the voluptuous pug at :42; he makes Vito look like Kate Moss! Holy crap.

11 March 2008

Ides of March Meltdown

I thought I'd kick off the week with a little Zen aid; some low-quality video I shot from Fisherman’s Beach on Nantucket last July specifically for this time of year when I, like most New Englanders, experience a weather-related psychotic break. Symptoms range from mild to severe depending upon several factors. For instance, if you were able to escape to a warmer climate in February, you may just get a little grumpy about now. If you have been housebound all season, say, in a basement wearing Gortex mittens, you could end up babbling incoherently while slathering yourself with Hawaiian Coconut Oil. My mid-March meltdown tends to manifest as foolhardy rebellion: I refuse to dress in layers and often walk barefoot to the mailbox in 40 degree temperatures, squinting in the icy head wind. Time to compile the spa GCs and go in for an overhaul. Or just say screw it and stowaway on Goy's upcoming Floridian business trip.

So, enjoy a 32-second vacation. Breathe in the ocean air, listen to the soothing surf, smell the seasalt. We're almost there.

05 March 2008

Random Quizzilla

1) Do you like to get dressed up when you go out or do you prefer to dress casually?
Dressed up. When you work in your basement in yoga pants and a threadbare Dunkin Donuts t-shirt, it’s nice to tart up now and then.

2)List the songs on your iPod that have “tonight” in the title.

"Dance Tonight"- Paul McCartney, "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"- Wang Chung, "Remembering Tonight" - Patti Rothberg, "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" - The Postal Service, "Talk Tonight" - Oasis, "Not Tonight" - Tegan and Sara, "Tonight, Tonight" - Smashing Pumpkins, "Tonight" - Nick Lowe, "Tonight" - Supergrass, "Tonight" - Ryan Adams, "Tonight" – Kool & the Gang, "Tonight"- Pushstars

3) What kind of lotion or cream do you use to keep your hands from getting too dry?

Very timely inquiry, quizzilla. L’Occitane Shea Butter Anti-Hag Cream.

4) What was the last thing you ordered online?
“The Big Book of Dinosaurs” yesterday for the Jurassic-Park obsessed P and C who've been hogging the computer for hours on end, looking up T-Rex videos on YouTube.

5) Do you like camping?
Aside from roofdeck camping, not so much. I loved the canoe trips we used to take on the Mighty Battenkill River, however, because the place we “camped” had drive-up campsites with showers and electricity. I was a little apprehensive at first but knew everything was going to be ok when I saw KT plugging a coffee maker into a free-standing outlet in the field. A few yards away, Siobhan was peeking out from behind a tent, wielding an eyelash curler and a hairdryer. At night, we gathered around the campfire and sang along to the Beastie Boys on a Bose wave radio. That's about as "one with nature" as I can handle.

03 March 2008

Suppah Club: Caroling for Shut-Ins and other Elderly Things

For this month's Suppah Club, we headed to Fuji 1546, a happy sushi place in the Q with brightly colored pendant lights and smiley Japanese people that are to the attitude what wasabi is to the sluggish metabolism. The wait staff puts your pinot grigio on ice. The menu accommodates those who don't put things in their mouths with names like "seared saki belly," offering "Turkey Club,""BLT," and "Philly Cheese Steak" sushi rolls as alternatives. Quincy riff raff begin trickling in around 8 p.m., frontloading Scorpion Bowls in anticipation of karaoke. It all added to the energetic vibe that we were desperately craving on an icy late winter evening.

With the exception of the glow-and-fro Flaleys, all were in need of some escape from their current realities, whether it was seeking amnesty from corporate America or getting a rejuvenating chemical peel. There is little doubt that the dead of winter exacerbates the inner hag, and that was evident in conversations and actions. There was a slight reprieve when the 19-year-old waitress, seemingly oblivious to our old lady aura, carded all of us. (Big tip). After that, it was all memory lapses and liberal applications of hand cream and discussions of how pale dry skin makes you want to do insane things, like go tanning. And not the “safe” kind where creamy chemicals mutate your skin into a “healthy” glow, but those old school radiation booths, the electric coffins that actually cook you a little.

At some point, we discussed how living in an active adult community would be fun, sort of like college with money and wisdom. Then Auntie dealt a verbal reality slap about how her parents, who have a condo in one of these AACs in Florida, spent last Christmas Eve "caroling for the shut-ins" Silence. Joking about feeling old is one thing, sharing a peer group with people who can no longer feed themselves is quite another.

Perhaps the current mindset was best summed by LPD. While rummaging through my purse for my camera, ("Do you have any hard candy? Any sour balls in there?")I commented on its elderly contents like tissues and Purell. LPD tilted her head to one side and said: "you don't look elderly, you're just doing elderly things." It's all a state of mind. Once we cease doing elderly things, we can turn it around. There is hope. Happy places like Fuji help; I think all we need is a little sunshine and a few Zumba classes.