23 December 2008

Bad Boy

In the winter, there is nothing Vito enjoys more than cooling his junk on a fresh blanket of snow. However, like most of us, he is not a fan of being outside amid stormy conditions, so we had to force him outside to get down to business during last weekend's snowstorm. While we were all hunkered down, I heard Vito in the dining room, sniffing around the Christmas tree as he often does, taking in the evergreen scent and licking a few low-hanging ornaments. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw him wind up, lift his chubby leg and begin to urinate -- on the tree, on the freshly wrapped gifts beneath it. James and I saw it at the same time and were flabbergasted. We couldn't speak, we just looked at each other and gasped. In one swift movement, James heave-ho-ed Vito out the front door, sprinkling all the way. "Bad boy, Vito!" Needless to say, I had to rewrap all the Christmas presents. It could happen again as I've had to keep him inside most of the morning. Deadly icicles are falling like daggers as well as mini avalanches of snow from the roof and trees. So, to quote the foreboding woman from the neighboring active adult community,"Take heed."

19 December 2008

Snowstorm or Apocalypse?

If you've been watching the news this week, you'll know that starting somewhere between noon and 2 p.m. today, the blizzard from hell will commence.  It's just a winter storm, very typical for mid-December in these parts but it's being hyped as an apocalyptic event -- like a magnetic pole reversal that will change life as we know it on earth -- instead of just 6 to 12 inches of fluffy snow.  School was cancelled for today -- yesterday.  I had to stop myself from sounding like my mother who tirelessly reminded us whenever it snowed that she never got snow days, but instead walked six miles to school -- uphill -- in a foot of snow, often without boots.  Seriously, though, whoever heard of cancelling school before the flakes even start flying?  

I know all the panicky preparedess is a result of that storm last December that paralyzed the entire city.  It took James five hours to drive 12 miles.  People were running out of gas on I-93, it was anarchy on the side roads, etc.   But that was an anomaly, likely caused by everyone getting released from work early at the exact same time.

Still, I've totally bought into the uber-marketing of this storm.  I did my pre-storm panic shop among the crazy-eyed throngs at Hannaford yesterday, navigating my shopping cart through the aisles at breakneck speed before they ran out of bread (or Pirate's Booty).  I shopped liked my family was going to have to live in our basement for the next 25 years.  There was even a line to get into the parking lot at the wine store.  As I was walking in, a man with a shopping cart full of Bud Light cases said to me, "Watch out, it's like Pakistan in there." It was.  Still, despite the pre-nuclear war vibe gripping the South Shore, I'm kind of looking forward to hunkering down today, making a roast and sipping some vino in front of the fireplace.  

[Although I am very, very bitter that we had to cancel A Very Special Suppah Club in the city this evening (very bitter).]

13 December 2008

Break it Down, Chuck Brown

It's the Peanuts Gang -- featuring Outkast -- shaking it like a Polaroid picture. This video has been floating around the Internets for a few years and I can't believe I never saw it. Thanks so much to JK for sharing! Simply. Awesome. Enjoy.

08 December 2008

Behemoth the Snowman

The first snowfall of the year produced some overzealous snowball rolling on the parts of Caroline and Paulie.  Behemoth the Snowman, with his dead flower afro, lasted about seven hours upright on Sunday until a strong gust of wind blew him right over.  Minutes later, Vito the pug peed on his remains. At least he didn't fall down with people around. He could've crushed someone to death.

Paulie Outs Santa at First Christmas Party of the Season

Paulie was psyched but suspicious from the get go when he heard Santa was going to stop by Jess's holiday party.  In a full-on pre-Santa lather, the kids peeked outside looking for reindeer, their ears pressed against the windows listening for jingle bells of Santa's sleigh.  But then there was Paulie, the four-year-old skeptic.  Well, not so much a skeptic as an intense observer who can uncannily identify the slightest features of the most random places and things. And in doing so, calls the situation as he sees it.   For instance, he can predict who will be at the park because he recognizes the cars of each one of his friends' parents.  He can pick out someone in a mad crowd at Hannaford just by their sneakers.  He constantly brags to other people that he and his friend Bags have the same Spiderman underwear.   Earlier in party, Paulie had chatted with Jess's dad, (who is also named Paul) in the kitchen. He loves Jess's dad and said he couldn't wait to show "his friend Paul" the "Asking Santa" app on the iPhone.  Therefore, it only made sense that Paul would become the focus of Paulie's intense observation throughout the course of the evening.  So, when Santa arrived, all the kids lost their minds over the possibility of presents. But Paulie peppered him with questions instead:  "Where are your reindeer?"  "How did you get here?" "Are you Santa's brother?" But then Paulie looked down at Santa's shoes and -- like Shaggy unmasking the improbable villian on Scooby Doo -- pointed and shouted. "That's not Santa! That's my friend Paul!  Those are his shoes!"  We tried to prevent him from further foiling the situation, but as long as the kids got presents, none seemed to care if they came from Santa or Paulie's friend Paul.