20 August 2009

Voices of the Unintentionally Browless

Please check out my essay in the G section of today's Globe entitled "Brow Beaten."

When I was in the eighth grade, a friend arrived at school hiding her face behind a loose-leaf binder. Earlier that morning, she’d plastered her teased bangs with Aqua Net, lit a cigarette, and - poof! - burned her eyebrows off.

Though she tried to fill in her singed arches with a brow pencil, she still looked like a completely different person. Too much hairspray and the ill-timed flick of a lighter had rendered her totally expressionless. [Read more]

07 August 2009

Don't You Forget About Me

How could anyone possibly forget about John Hughes? He achieved immortality -- even prior to his death on Tuesday -- through his relentlessly quotable movies. So, here is a wee tribute to the man who is single-handedly responsible for my Molly Ringwald complex, a writer and director whose movies were not so much films as they were a parallel universe for us teenagers of the 80s.

When the light gets into your heart, baby!

Some favorite quotes in no particular order:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"
-- Brian, The Breakfast Club

"Now, you listen to me, mister. God did not put me on this earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you." -- Grandma Baker, Sixteen Candles

"Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie." -- Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles

"No more yankie my wankie, the Donger need food!" -- Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind." -- Ed Rooney, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Dimented and sad, but social." -- John Bender, The Breakfast Club

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Who." "Who who?" "Helen we got an owl out here in the hall..." -- Grandpa Fred, Sixteen Candles

"Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes...No, he's not retarded." --Grandpa Baker, Sixteen Candles

"I make $31,000 a year and I'm not about to throw it all away on a punk like you." -- Mr. Vernon, The Breakfast Club

"Blane? His name is Blane? That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" -- Duckie, Pretty in Pink

"What about prom, Blane! What about prom!" - Andie, Pretty in Pink

"You look good wearing my future." -- Keith, Some Kind of Wonderful

"We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." -- Andrew, The Breakfast Club

"Automobiiillee" -- Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles

"When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." -- Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

"Those aren’t PILLOWS!" -- Neal, Planes, Trains & Automobiles

"Break his heart, I'll break your face" - Watts, Some Kind of Wonderful

"I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself." -- Cousin Eddie, Vacation

"Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?" -- Clark Griswold, Vacation

"She get married to oily bohunk." -- Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles


Why I love technology: James and I decided last minute that there was NO WAY we could miss Sir Paul at Fenway last night. We met up with our fellow throwbacks and pals, Chris and Paula, the only engineers-turned-cookie entrepreneurs who can speak in Beatles lyrics.

("LDT... ZZ")

On the way into town, I posted a status update on Facebook about going to the show:

"When the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me." McCartney@Fenway!

Seconds later, I received a text from BG: "In a cab on the way to Fenway. Meeting up with Haleys pre-Paul."

They'd also decided there was no way they could miss this show. Minutes earlier, none of us knew the others were going. Within moments, a party of four became a party of eight at Cambridge 1 around pizza and drinks.


During our spontaneous pre-show, we looked for tickets on Craig's List from our Blackberries and iPhones. Then there was an old fashioned scalping transaction on the sidewalk outside of Copperfield's.

(Paula and I)

Just an amazing show/evening all around. And everyone (especially James) was very, very thankful that Peter Wolf didn't jump on stage and “ruin everything.

This morning, I woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head and relived the entire "Hey Jude" singalong on YouTube.

I love technology. Technology is good.