1. Do you remember the first viral video you ever watched?
Yes. It still makes me laugh out loud, especially the prairie dogger in the neighboring cubicle. I have a day like this at least once a week.
2. Do you trust your first impressions?
I've learned to. Nine out of 10 times when I take the "benefit of the doubt" route, I regret it and subsequently suffer a visible disdain for other humans. It's gotten easier and I have some helpful hints: If someone seems to sharpen invisible weapons in your presence - Run. If someone is using the loo in your house and you get the sneaking suspicion they're installing a secret toilet cam - Run.
3. Who’s the biggest DB celebrity?
Patricia Heaton. Graceless shitstack. It must suck to hate women so much and be one at the same time.
4. Write a haiku about your driving skills.
Don’t hit that mailbox
Panicked curb-grazing sucka
Pass the Ativan
5. What movie do you find yourself quoting over and over again?
"Singles" is probably the movie I quote from the most. Lines from that movie are on a loop in my internal lexicon. A close second is "Best in Show." "He went after her like she was made of ham." (Usually said in reference to Vito and his neighborhood paramours, canine or human). And of course, "Jaws." Always Jaws.