12 July 2007

The Victoria Beckham Effect

“People think I’m a miserable cow who doesn’t smile. Actually I’m quite the opposite.”

Right. Does anyone else have a burning desire to flog Victoria Beckham with a bag of deli meat? The reason people think she’s a miserable, non-smiling cow is because she always looks like a miserable non-smiling cow. Always. A common media whore, she acts exasperated by the cameras knowing full well she’d disintegrate without them. I've had enough of her this week. Why is her stupid reality-show-downgraded-to-a-TV-special a lead news story -- everywhere? The headline -- "Victoria Beckham is Coming to America!"-- pisses me off because that insect-faced bitch is here, like every week, shopping. And pouting of course. The news outlets are playing it like it's her first time in the country and she's arriving from somewhere extraterrestrial. I don’t get her appeal: A humorless ice queen who doesn’t smile, laugh or eat. All she does is shop and pose, shop and pose. Why is this hot?

I don’t get David Beckham’s appeal either. I don’t care if he’s a professional athlete, he’s not very manly and he's prettier than his wife. But then again, the Beckhams are special, they share a soulful, kismet connection: Recent quote: "I've always had a liking toward clothes, but when I met Victoria, she directed me in the right way," says David Beckham. "When she tells me something doesn't look good, I believe her. We have a connection that way." Wicked deep connection. I'm sure they're a scream to hang out with too.

Let's call it the Victoria Beckham Effect: The more talentless and useless you are is directly proportionate to how cocky and arrogant you behave. Because that’s all you’ve got to offer -- smoke and mirrors. Nothing but your shitty ‘tude (and a few grapes) to sustain you. A washed up Spice Girl who looks the other way when her husband cheats on her because $250 million buys a boatload of Birkin Bags.

Whew. I feel better.

9 comments:

cameo said...

F*er, this might be a bad time to tell you, but...I just got my hair cut today and it looks exactly like Posh's (except brunette). I don't know how it happened exactly. All I remember is asking for a "classic but modern cut" and then hair started flying...I mean inches and inches of hair! Don't worry though...The VB effect didn't take hold. I'm smiling (in between the crying).

KJ said...

Cam-I'm sure you look hot with the new 'do. You're not useless and one-dimensional and you have true style. VB's got great hair and clothes but I'm certain she's got advisers. Her style is definitely not her own. She's a classic poseur.

Pam said...

I understand your fury over Victoria Beckham - it's like the Paris Hilton effect. We don't know why she is famous, but she is. I have to diagree with your thoughts on David Beckham's appeal. Just look at him; HE IS APPEALING!! And he actually has a job as a professional athlete which is more than his skeleton wife can say.

Don't worry, this won't last long, we have so many other "famous" people to focus on. Did you hear Britney Spears has a stalker?

KJ said...

Pam- I knew you'd be with me on VB. Yeah, DB isn't painful to look at, but he's just not my cup of tea. I'm sure they're both crushed.

Anonymous said...

Every frickin chick at the mall has that poshy haircut. puke.

lpd said...

I can assure you, Cameo looks beautiful in her new 'do and not at all like Victoria Beckham, Insect Woman.

Seems like VB believes she IS her cartoonish character, "Posh," from Spicegirls and is still holding on tight to that image. Perhaps the pout is a permanent side effect from too much botox - she simply can't change her facial expression. She is absolutely useless.

And, what's up with her rent-a-pal relationship with Katie Holmes? Anyone notice that Katie has undergone a failed attempt at her own short-cropped coif? (Why do I know these things? Why do I care???)

Cols said...

I can't tell a lie--I think David Beckham is gorgeous. I am planning to go to the DC United-LA Galaxy game in August and let me just say...I've never been to a pro soccer game before. I hope he'll do good things for soccer in the US even if it's just increase ticket sales.

That aside, Posh is ridiculous. Her scowl is only out done by the fact that she's emaciated. Her diet (or lack thereof) will fit in nicely in Los Angeles. I once read (think it was on Perez) that she took a flight from London to LA (10 hours) and only drank peppermint tea the entire time.

What's most disturbing is that the Spice Girls are going on tour this summer?! Why? Just what we need--another lipsynced concert! Aren't we tortured enough with Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears...must we import the UK's lipsyncers?

Bean Down Under said...

I watched the VB show on NBC last night and I have to say I was 100% sucked into it. Almost as bad as I was with 'Being Bobby Brown'. VB actually showed some human qualities but why she feels she needs to have that camera persona is beyond me. Did you see the luncheon with the Hollywood socialites?! There had to have been at least $1 million in plastic surgery in the room. It was scary. The ladies who could have been 70 or 40 all looked the exact same..... and what was up with dolphin woman?! Defintely Youtube it.

lpd said...

'ello Ernesto! I was sucked into the evil web of VB as well. The "socialite" luncheon was a complete freak show. The worst plastic surgeries ever. And what about that house! It was like a giant gold doll house. So creepy.