1) Did you have a pet as a child? If so, what kind and what was its name?
Yes. A miniature schnauzer, Muffin. Muffin facts: She was only affectionate to me and a "cold german bitch" (my mother's phrase) to mostly everyone else. She slept on a Star Wars pillow next to my bed *I named her Muffin because there were three other dogs in the neighborhood named Muffin (I was 7) * KW once fled my house in hysterics, claiming "that dog has shoulders!" * As she got older, Muffin accumulated all kinds of health problems. Cataracts. She'd bark at the dining room chairs at random. Whenever someone walked in the house, she'd bark at the fridge. Gingivitis. She eventually lost all her teeth except for one fang that jutted out the left side of her mouth. She also had "scratch and sniff" skin condition: Whenever she scratched herself, she released something foul into the air. Still, we loved her, perhaps even more so. She lived to be 16 years old and is memorialized annually on Goy's birthday. This year, I wished Goy a happy 38th birthday and a happy 15th anniversary of Muffin's death. (* This tradition was trumped by a “Happy Birthday, my cat has cancer” card sent to me many years ago -- not from Goy)
2) What does the color purple make you think of?
Prince, but more specifically of an incident. One time, Jen W wore a purple blazer to work that was the shade most would associate with his Purpleness. A coworker, as he passed her in the hallway, unexpectedly yelled out -- quite loudly -- “SO WHEN YOU CALL UP THAT SHRINK IN BEVERLY HILLS…”
3) If you could choose to be in a TV commercial, what would you advertise?
It'd be a commercial for Fresh 'n Clean Dog Shampoo directed by Christopher Guest in the style of Best in Show. After Vito's near-fatal encounter at the dog groomers a few weeks ago, we've been bathing him ourselves. This shampoo leaves him smelling fresh as a daisy for days on end, and his nose wrinkle no longer smells like a cow. It's even curbed his massive shedding. A neighbor walked up to him yesterday and said, "Vito, something's different. Have you lost weight?" (He hasn't)
4) What year did you start using the Internet?
I became a regular user in 1995 but my first encounter with the Net was in 1994 when I was housesitting for my friend Dave and his cat. I spent the entire weekend drinking wine and chatting on AOL, getting into arguments, making outrageous claims, drunk with anonymity as much as vino. I didn't realize at the time, however, that I was doing all this chit-chatting under my friend's screenname. He ended up receiving so many bizarre emails in the following weeks that he had to open a new account and change his email address and screenname. (Still sorry, Dave.)
5) What food or drinks have you snuck into the movie theatre?
Granny smith apples, Ziploc bag of grape tomatoes, McDonalds, Charms Blow Pops, wine coolers, Dunkin' iced coffee.