Aside: And let's not forget about the reader's despair as well. It took me almost an entire year to read his novel Infinite Jest and I even skipped most of the notes.
The despair in his writing betrayed his dark side, no doubt, but is that the whole story?Depression is a manageable illness. How does someone lose the will to live?
I guess reading DFW with some hindsight, it'll all be in there. Sort of like when I listen to Elliott Smith now and have those wow-I-can't-believe-I-never-saw-that-coming epiphanies. I have to believe that DFW, far beyond the reach of Wellbutrin, descended into complete madness. I can't imagine how else someone could make a conscious choice to end his life at age 46. It was impossible not to think about my 46-year-old sister-in-law who battled back from ovarian cancer and for whom every day is a gift. And every day she makes a conscious choice to live and to live large. It's tough to reconcile this afternoon. I'm irrationally angry.