07 December 2005

The Man Who Ruins Everything

There are some people in this world that simply rub us the wrong way. James, on the other hand, is generally patient and accepting of most. He is rarely bothered by the kinds of clueless, self righteous and self-aggrandizing fools that make my blood boil. However, when he is annoyed, he is fiercely annoyed -- and not by the people you'd think. Stirring his ire is a motley cast of seemingly unprovacative characters who would not garner any emotions -- positive or negative -- from most of us.

For instance, Queen Elizabeth and the entire British Monarchy: "total bullshit." The completely innocuous Dave Matthews: "a fucking jerk."

But to James, Public Enemy #1 is Peter Wolf.

I learned this a few years ago when we were going to see Bruce Springsteen at Fenway. We'd popped into Copperfields to have a drink and meet up with Billy J. We overhead the group of people next to us talking about they'd just spotted Wolf outside on his way to the Springsteen show. Out of nowhere, a jovial Jimmy became irate; he swore loudly and started mumbling to himself.

"What's wrong with you," I asked.

"Fucking Peter Wolf. He's going to jump up on stage and ruin everything."*

Billy J. showed up several minutes later, heard the name Peter Wolf, and without even knowing what we were talking about, said, "That guy's a whore."

Sure enough, Wolf jumped up on stage that night to join Springsteen in a rendition of "Dirty Water." While it certainly did not ruin the night, it was pretty annoying.

At Monday's U2 show, Bono acknowledged Wolf in the audience, along with retiring Globe music critic Steve Morse. Whether intentional or geographical, Wolf did not claw his way up to the stage and try to hog the spotlight...and I was grateful. I thought maybe he'd changed.

But just hours later at a party for Steve Morse at JJ Foley's, Wolf relapsed. Bono showed up late night to toast Morse and Morse, in turn, toasted Bono. It was a testament to their 25-year-long relationship as rock star and critic. It had nothing to do with Peter Wolf. But, unable to help himself, Wolf hopped up on a table, made a completely unneccessary statement,and proceeded to lead the crowd in "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow." In short, he destroyed the moment, he ruined everything.

Have to hand it to you, James, you're spot on with this one. His behavior is likely what's keeping the J. Geils Band out of the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.


wmd said...

Wow, great blog because in this day and age I would never expect to think of Peter Wolf as a topic for debate but I'm conflicted myself.

As one of the few men I look up to for sandwich advice, James has been unquestionable but some of this doesn't sit completely well with me.

1) The Monarchy: he's right. Whatever, we spanked you guys back across the pond. 2) Dave Matthews however, I don't get the beef? the sheer talent, he's amazing... I've got to be honest there's a chance I'd give him oral... better you know now LP. 3) as for Mr. Wolf, you're right he somehow dodges the hook and it's annoying but I'd be a hypocrite if I condemned him for it. It goes against all I yearn for when I become rich or famous. I would be the most obnoxious person in the world simply because I could. He should not have stopped there. He should have jumped on the bar, dropped trou and sang Volare like Robert Wuhl in Hollywood Knights. Even better if no one laughed. Wasted opportunities... Sorry James but I hope there will be more.

Now Kevin Costner, he deserves a punch in the f*&^ing face!

SAC said...

Costner is Bull Durham is classic. Anything outside of that, he sucks.

As for Matthews, I agree. Overrated shitmonkey banging a few chords out. He blows harder than Madonna-the virgin that is.

As for Wolf, I agree. That assmonger IS the reason J Geils is not in the HOF and also this pretentious attaitude towards it all. Fuck him....

James-you still look damn good with that hair cut of yours...

wmd said...

As much as I utterly disagree with the DM review, "overrated shitmonkey" is now my new favorite term. From now on, I will work this into two conversations per day .

KJ said...

WMD & SAC: You're killing me over here. tears rolling cheeks. thank you.

wmd said...

It's a great blog KJ. this one raises a good point, talent versus opinion of music. Interesting to hear thoughts on bands. DM cannot be denied that he and the bandmembers are insanely talented but I don't think SAC likes them (i think that's what he meant by "overrated shitmonkey" (1 down). Basically my thoughts on Coldplay. I'll agree they're talented but think their music belongs in an elevator. The inverse of this are bands that have zero talent yet huge hits, i.e. Hanson and MMM Bop

KJ said...

Right on, WMD. At least we all agree that the term "overrated shitmonkey" needs to be put into regular colloquial circulation immmmeeediately. Glad you've kicked the mung and are your usual fly self again.

wmd said...

Superfly T-N-T!!

SAC said...

Ahh, Coldplay. Yeah, I'd probably rather eat my own vomit than subject myself to that crap on a regular basis. But if I feel the need for introspective, self analytical reasons as to why I am not sleeping with Gwenyth Paltrow (besides the obvious fact that I already AM married to a SuperModel) then Coldplay is cool.

Gimme Curtis Mayfield, The O'Jays, TP, Lou Rawls, JB and Maceo and I'll show you an ass kicking good time.

"Shitmonkey" is a 413 vocabulary item in 3rd grade. "Overrated" did't come til 9th grade.

Hey, at least our priorities are in check....

james said...

Katie, Sac, and WMD, Classic..

I think the Queen is getting off too easy. Correct me if I am wrong but the the Monarchy doesn't make any policy decisions, has no vote in the Parliament or authority on war and peace. Yet the public pays taxes so they can live in a Castle play Polo and send their kids to Private School.....Wait sounds a little like working for the T except the kids play soccer, go to Public School and live in the Suburbs....Nevermind

I'd like to see what or who drives the readers of the Pointy Universe crazy now that you know who gives me heartburn. So Norty, Billy J, MonkeyBoy, Stevie B, Katie Norton, Nolan Ryan, Jackson Girls, KT, Nic, and all other readers lets hear it!

SAC when you move South Shore I'll introduce you to my new hairdresser and her friends. Remember LOOK GOOD, FEEL GOOD, FEEL GOOD, PLAY GOOD. Helps on Sunday night.

Celine said...


On a completely different note, you would have been proud of me earlier this week as I quoted you during our sales meeting. During a 10 minute break on the agenda, I was setting up my computer as I was on deck to present the next "gripping" topic. As I quickly re-applied my Aveda lip gloss, I turned to one of the guys I work with and said: "Look Good, Feel Good, Feel Good, Play Good". He laughed out loud and just looked confused.

SAC said...

The list of things or people that piss me off is probably too long to put on this blog and would be better suited as an epic mini series/docu-drama on HBO or Showtime so that the abundant profanities could correctly and accurately define the moments.

lp said...

I am already scribbling in my composition notebook a scathing account of "Why I Hate Britney Spears", just for you, James.

Others who get The Gas Face:

#1: Britney Spears. Bears repeating.
Celine Dion. Useless.
Fred Durst. Ass.
Raven Simone. "That's so Raven." Shut the f**k up.
Olsen Twins. Morphing into Gollum.
Jar Jar Binks. I know he's not real, but I hate him.
George W. Bush. Sorry, my conservative pals, but he's an idiot.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

wmd said...

Well good morning Captain Crankypants. I knew you had an abnormal disdain for Britney (which is too bad because she was just a kid mousketeer trying to be a popstar, I don't know where the hate comes from) but I didn't know the rest of the list was so long. Looks like we won't be having Usher sing our wedding song.

SB said...

Hi all, SB here.

First let me say THANKS to SAC/WMD for publicly dissing Coldplay. I never understood why ppl worship them like they are The Beatles. It is such an easy decision for me to change the station when they come on. They annoy me, but I do not HATE them. My HATE list is simple:

MADONNA - the whole "I'm going to talk with a British accent now" thing really ticked me off. Would you guys mind if I spoke with a Southern drawl? How about that "OK-Hey" Canadian/Minnesotan accent? And then she stopped doing it, like it was her own little fad. And now she's crafting pretty and colorful arm slings? I'm going to craft a rainbow tourniquet for her head.

Thanks for letting me vent, PU.

KJ said...

Methinks the men doth protest too much. You've all got man crushes on Chris Martin..just admit it. And get up OFF of Coldplay..they're a favorite of the P.U. Additional C-play grumbling may result in the posting of embarrassing photos.

And BTW, SB..awesome re: Madonna.

BAGS said...

I also have an extremely long list, but here are some of the special people that piss me off:

1) Chaka from Land of the Lost. Chewbacca wannabe, cheap knock-off. Always the guy the Marshall family let explore the cave when the Sleestaks were about to open a can of hurt or was tripping on those colored crystals long enough to get the Marshall family in trouble. Chaka was an asshole, he deserved what he got.

2)My newspaper man. Everyone morning I need to send out a recon party to find my paper. When I'm lucky and actually discover it, the paper is usually wet. Really useful. He's going to get a special holiday tip from the Beaudins this year.

3)Kevin Millar. Over-rated bloke who needed a peach basket to field a ground ball. Cowboy Up! What the freak does that mean? Who cares, have fun in Japan or Mexico when nobody signs you in the off season. Power hitter with 9 taters. Always a funny interview....whatever. He was a pimple on the ass of the Sox. Could have used his $3 mil to pick up a set up man/closer. Thanks for the memories you chucklef''k.

4)The Christmas Tree Salesperson. Any ethics-less individual who can smile while asking $85 for a dying plant that they plucked out of the ground so it can shed in my living room annoys me.

third base said...

Elroy, Elroy Cohen gets the gas face.

KJ said...

3rd Bass.

Still a great post, spelling notwithstanding.

Colleen said...

How has Paris Hilton not made the list here yet??? She deserves top billing. Not only does she get the "gas face" for actually trying to trademark the phrase "that's hot," but she's a "celebutante." WHAT IS THAT??

LP---take it easy on the Commander in Chief, pal!

Others who are straight up FOUL:
-Lizzie Grubman--put the cigarette down and quit disgracing everyone who works in public relations
-Susan Estrich--the VOICE, make it stop
-Al Franken--no explanation needed, I think.
-The District of Columbia Registry of Motor Vehicles....ineptitude on a level never thought possible...

This was really theraputic Kate...Thanks!

Code Red said...

Colleen - you beat me to Paris Hilton so I'll second it. She's a complete waste of space...and she's coming out with her own album?! C'mon. Paris, donate your organs to a contributing member of society, PLEEEZ.

While I'm at it, I'll second Lizzie Grubman...girl has a face that could sour milk and she embarrasses herself fawning over celebrities!

Martha Stewart...look everyone, you too can make your own Christmas ornaments out of old newspaper and candle wax...SMACK! Go back to Camp Cupcake!

Victoria Gotti and her ignorant offspring.

Commercials for local news teams...."Channel 7 MEANS news." What the $%# does that mean?

Ann Coulter.....a hateful woman!

OK, I'll stop already.

KJ said...

COLLEEN: Did someone slip something into your drink down there in DC? Defending "W", bashing Al Franken...have you gone all right wing on me? I may have to make a special trip south to rescue one of my favorite minds, personalities and souls. And friend of course. What the devil?

Colleen said...

The Gottis--GOOD ONE Ann! Glad to see my astro equal shares my distaste for Paris and Lizzie (you know Paris is probably a client of Lizzie--it's all just so troubling).

That said--KJ--no one has messed with my drink, mind, spirit or personality. (My body on the other hand took a beating from a ruptured appendix and now a respiratory infection--but I'm fighting back). DC would love any and all visits from the Pointy Universe's founder and pals--but no intervention necessary...my political beliefs and mind are sharper than ever--which is more than I can say for Al Franken, the bankrupted joke that is Air America and the fools that let moveon.org hijack the Dem party.

Once an independent...always an independent!

lp said...

I can't believe I forgot Paris Hilton. Perhaps my own brainwashing to remove her from my mind has finally worked. Hurrah!

Colls, great to hear from you. I stand firm on my feelings towards G. Dubbleya, but I respect the beliefs of independent ladies everywhere. Hope all is well in DC!

KJ said...

Womp..there she is. I thought you'd been drinking laced mint juleps, Cols, but nope..there you are. I can't disagree with you about the hijacking. Feel better. I'm thinking about a mid-May visit to DC...

Anonymous said...

I just found this site and your comments about Peter Wolf really hit a chord with me. I know Mr. Wolf and the former members of the Geils band having worked with them for years before, during and after their breakup.

Peter is a tragic human being. He really can't help himself. Most people that know him well understand this and put up with him just as you might put up with a mentally ill family member. Unfortunately, as with most relationships like this, the unafflicted members suffer the most damage as they try to accomidate an individual whose sense of reality and self is dangerously skewed.

As a result, the band is hopelessly damaged at this point and Peter will be Peter. We can expect many more years of obnoxious and boringly predictable behaviour.