24 March 2006

Random Quizzilla

1. Name a job that you would hate to have.
Maybe it's a side effect of the PTSD I have from a late-90s stint in high-tech PR but I would hate to sell any kind of technology product or service. It's not so much the technology -- much of which I find interesting -- but the industry culture at large. For some reason, tech companies always seem to be located in sterile suburban office parks right off major highways. While working at a sterile suburban office park right off 128, I often had the opportunity to leave the office on business travel. Unfortunately, it was always for another sterile suburban office park right off a major highway. It didn't matter if it was San Francisco or Bowling Green, Kentucky. It was all the same. I'd spend my days whoring about for media coverage for gel-coiffed 20-something guys with names like "Kenneth," whom I am certain masturbated to their own press clips judging from the sudden onset of exuburance whenever they saw their names in print (even in publications like Supply Chain Systems Magazine.) One of the more heinous "Kenneths," whose company's office park was right outside of San Fran, was a bit of a schizo. He would ignore you while angrily pecking at his Palm Pilot and then challenge you to a friendly game of Foozball. He'd mercilessly eviscerate a press release you wrote and then offer you a Bud Light in the middle of the work day -- just to show you how fun-loving he was when he wasn't being such a hardass. I hated this man. Worse, he forced me and my colleagues to socialize with him and his unctuous colleagues each night. He not only made us wear golf shirts with corporate logos (he only had size XLs. I looked like an 11-year-old playing dress up in her father's shirt) but he took us -- good god make it stop -- to the Olive Garden. I vividly remember thinking I'm five minutes from San Francisco and I'm having dinner at the Olive Garden with a bunch of assholes. After dinner, I escaped. I took a cab to Vesuvio by myself and chain smoked away the self-loathing. Thank goodness for the dot.com bust.

2. Name 3 things that are on your desk at home or work.
Color Wonder finger paints, a diet coke, and a mixed CD from JAL with all my favorite gay-boy dance tunes that I play whenever I need a chair-dancing break. It's like a mini-vacation. BTW-Thanks, Jim.

3. If you could change occupations, what would you want to do?
I'd be a lounge singer at a swanky hotel bar. Because Lady Owls Love Hotel Bars (LOLHB).

4. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
I've always got a pimp wad in my purse and I'm certain the buttoned-down clerks at my Panera Bread satellite office think I'm a stripper. I need to pay my babysitters in cash every day. That, coupled with my current love affair with Supreme Omelet sandwiches (sans fromage) and Turbo Hots at the Dunkie's drive-thru requires frequent trips thru the Bank of America ATM. I hope disclosure of this information does not get me mugged at the Derby Shoppes next week.

5. What word or phrase do you use most frequently?
"That's insane." This week, it's been "Chill, Jimmy, it's only basketball."

6 comments:

BAGS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BAGS said...

1) Job I would hate to have. Complaint Counter Service Rep at a fertility clinic.
2) 3 things that are on my desk. Blackberry, Picture of Auntie and I at the McDonald's wedding, and half of a Starbucks store.
3) New occupation would be Touring pro on the PGA. Jamie could be my caddie.
4) I usually carry between $5 - $7. Just enough to get a couple of coffees during the day. Unlike the "pimp wad" that Mac-Momma KJ usually has in her purse.
5) Phrase most frequently used, "Right again Celine."

5:23 AM

SB said...

1. Name a job that you would hate to have.
Porta-Potty sanitation engineer

2. Name 3 things that are on your desk at home or work.
A 2-pack of Brown Sugar & Cinnamon pop-tarts, 3 cups of water (2 of which are from yesterday and probably loaded with dust mites by now) and a Deprisco’s Bag (we bought our wedding bands last week – mine would make Liberace blush)

3. If you could change occupations, what would you want to do?
I'm sorry to copy you Bags, but being on the PGA would be sweet. Although I’m sure that can still be stressful. Golfing in the sun 78 degrees outside, with a huge bank acct, pissed off b/c I shot a 76 instead of a 68.

4. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
Not much, mostly under $20 unless it’s a weekend night. No need when debit is accepted practially everywhere. Although I miss the days of bartending when I’d have the previous night’s pay on hand. That would just lead to sinning though.

5. What word or phrase do you use most frequently?
“Got it”

SB said...

By the way KJ. I LOVE the rant about "Kenneth". That one in San Fran sounds like a Fuh-Reek!

James said...

1. Name a job that you would hate to have.
Waiter.

2. Name 3 things that are on your desk at home or work.
8 Ball
Picture of Mom
Scale
Printout of every venue in NewEngland for easy access when obtaining tickets.

3. If you could change occupations, what would you want to do?
Bags' Caddie

4. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
Probably around $100.
5. What word or phrase do you use most frequently?
Lately,..."Freeking Refs are unbelievable"

:phil: said...

1- Restaurant business. Hungry people can be very nasty.

2- Bamboo plant, pictures of my wife and kids, headphones for I-Tunes

3- Forest Ranger (or something outside with nature)

4- Less than $20

5- Oh Shit!