20 July 2006

Swampy, Swampy, Swampy

A steamy 90-degree evening was well spent at the Sox game on Tuesday night with Pete & Apryl --their first night out since baby Nate arrived two weeks ago. Catastrophic hair conditions prevailed and the swamp ass was as rampant as the phallic street meat and foam fingers. But far outweighing the heavy air: We had fantastic seats, we watched Jason Varitek tie Carlton Fisk's record of catching 990 games, and the Sox won. Some scenes:

(Apryl, Pete, me and Apryl's "hot mama" boobs)

While enjoying an italian sausage and a warm beer on Yawkey, we discussed the fate of a woman we'd spotted on Brookline Avenue. She was wearing fire-engine red yoga pants and sported a flagrant, sweaty camel toe. (there's a sequence of words I hope to never write again) Apryl considered reporting her to the authorities at Cameltoe.org, a non-profit that issues daily reports on the worst of the worst offenders worldwide.

A camera lens-full of Papi Posterior: Every time I tried to snap a photo of David Ortiz for Caroline, he'd give me "the ass."

Take me out to the bald game: Even the hairless suffer the humidity.

We nightcapped with Paul & Maria at Copperfield's, the most unchanged and most puked-in bar in the Fenway area, according to Paul. Here, we decided to launch a write-in campaign to change Jonathan Papelbon's intro theme from "Wild Thing" -- which is too reiminscent of that goofy Charlie Sheen movie -- to "Super Bon Bon" by Soul Coughing. Think about it: The "bon" is already in there, and the opening lyrics provide the perfect gateway: "Move aside and let the man go through, let the man go through." Much more worthy of the wonder boy, don't you think?

A fine photo hijacked by some donkey at Copperfield's.


james said...

Sox fans spent more time watching Aprils cans then the game. Pete ducked like a little girl from a foul ball.

Great night....

KJ said...

Thanks for filling in the blanks, Jimmy. I also neglected to mention that there is a Crackerjack vendor at Fenway who was the spitting image of Adrian Zmed. Freaky.

wmd said...

maybe it was Zmeddy. His IMDB listinging is:

- Fenway Park (2006)...Cracker Jack Guy
- SHIRA; The Vampire Samurai (2005)...Kristof


SB said...

KJ - it WAS hot on Tuesday. The "Wall of Ass" was in full effect. Keri and I went to the B of A Pavilion to see EWF Tuesday night (that sound you hear is me losing Bison points for missing the game), and my beer became warm before I could finish my 2nd gulp. At those temps it would be a "1 beer at a time" night at Fenway. Uph.