OFF THE HOOK!

(photos: 1. Machete bandit incarcerated. 2. Justice for Cyrs.)

The search for the alleged “Machete Bandit” who perpetrated three armed hold ups on the South Shore is over. All will be relieved to learn the suspect is not SAC or any other member of the Cyr family as originally suspected. Last Wednesday, a masked intruder held up a Mobil gas station in East Wareham wielding a machete. He snatched a customer’s purse and made off with $750 from the cash register before ditching his incriminating clothing and disappearing into the night. The thiefing was captured on the Mobil’s security cameras and broadcast nationwide. The offender’s smooth-as-Lou-Rawls footwork and enthusiastic pillaging cast suspicion on the notoriously mischievous Cyr clan who had arrived in the area two days prior to the incident. However, all Cyrs are exonerated this evening with reports that police have arrested 28-year-old Sandy Little, a Pillsbury Dough Boy-esque thug with a shaved head and mock jowls from Lynn. Miles away from Milton, and I’m not just talkin’ geographically.