01 August 2005

Guest Blog: MONDO MUNDO!

(photo: WMD finds Telemundo senoras moy caliente)

Well it appears once again that I haven't been taken
seriously. All I did was post some comments under
"Living La Vida Arab" and Senora Jackson responded
that she thought they were "funny" and asked if I'd
write a guest blog. As I thought my comments were
serious, this "funny" reaction was like being pantsed
and onlookers saying "Awwww, cute". Take me seriously

Telemundo is serious business. Personally I've logged
1,800 hours or so (the 800 hours in my posting must
have been a typo) of Spanish TV and am well qualified
to preach the gift that is Telemundo. Disclaimer: all
1,800 were LONG before meeting the lovely LP.

The women on this channel are as good as it gets and
it kills me to admit it but the men are almost as good
looking as the women. There I said it, see what you
made me do? I've just had to grab my crotch, spit on
the rug and say "boobies" ten times in my head to feel
better... muuuch better. I feel this blog is being
written for the ladies out there because every guy who
has held a remote knows what I'm talking about. For
every sitcom line where a good looking foreign guy
says something to a woman and she says "I have no idea
what he said but I love the way he said it" there are
a hundred guys watching Telemundo saying "I don't care
what she's saying, they're always in bikinis!"

Yes, beautiful people, in ridiculous shows and soap
operas. I've taken enough Spanish that I can follow
along a bit. I first started watching when I worked
with a woman who was from Guatemala. She would make
me practice my Spanish by speaking it to me and told
me to watch her favorite soap opera "La Mentira" (The
Lie). Well let me tell you what kids, BONUS! It was
all hot people and goofy plots. We'd talk about it at
work and she'd tell me if I had it right. It was
great training for getting into the other shows like
"Caliente" (Pool/beach dance party + bikinis + latin
music = Hypnotic.) or "Lente Loco". This is
Telemundo's Candid Camera hosted by Alys, you guessed
it, a bombshell (sorpresa). If this sounds a little
weird, it can't be. I'm not the only one. I lived in
a house with six guys and on Saturday afternoon
between 1-2pm, anyone home would say "Caliente" and
channel 17 would be on in a Havana-minute. Guys hear
mention of Telemundo they'll say something positive
about it and probably include the word "dude".

Alas this is not a double standard that guys win
because I know you women could shift from watching the
scores of Latin players on this channel to looking at
us scratching our arse while trying to reach our drink
without getting off the couch and think to yourself
"Soy tan afortunado!!

Buenos tacos,



jal said...

Yo quiero telemundo. Guapo muchachos y caliente senoritas!!! Arrrriibbbbaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

SB said...

I demand WMD be invited back to the guest blog!! Not to say your daily scribe is to be challenged, KJ. You are the "top-blog" (get it? Ha-Ha).

Nice work, WMD. I have to admit I know not of the same detail you've delivered here. But I do know one thing - and that is the women of Telemundo are quite attractive. Make that 2 things. I also know that Channel 17 is the home of Spanimax.

wmd said...

I appreciate the support SB. You've added a new word to my Boggle play. Not sure my guest blogging would be any good though. I think my only topic of in-depth knowledge and true passion is Telemundo... err, umm, uhh.. and LP of course!
You should check out Lente Loco if it's still on, they used to pay women on the street to strip down and walk around in their underwear. And they say the Italians were brilliant in the Rennaisance era...

bags said...

If you could somehow get Jimmy the Tit or Uncle Bong to do some guest appearances on Pasion de Gavilanes that would make for some great Telemundo programming.

KJ said...

I am putting a parental block on Telemundo and Univision.

wmd said...

Spousal block too maybe. even the kids' shows are out there. A friend of mine told me about a Brazilian kids show named Xuxa that her father would watch with her kids. She thought he liked it more than the the kids. Apparently Xuxa's a bit of una galleta.

LP said...

LOVE how WMD is trying to make his pasty Anglo girlfriend feel better by sliding my name into the piece just before he states: "...the [tan, voluptuous, Latin] women on this channel are as good as it gets." If anyone needs me, I'll be at CVS picking up some self-tanner and "Spanish for Dummies."

KJ said...

LP-if you'd like to borrow some fashions from my Accidental Latina collection, you're more than welcome.

LP said...

Me gusto Tello's!