21 February 2006

Paulie Decimates Assinippi General Store...Again

(photo: Paulie "The Milkman" Jackson has an appetite for destruction)

For the second time in two months, Paulie cut a swath of destruction through the Assinippi General Store, our favorite neighborhood convenience store. Last month when we went in to buy some bread, he launched loaves of Scali off the shelves, took a bite out of an apple and put it back, and then tackled a newspaper rack on his way out. I promised the owner I wouldn't bring him back until he was past this stage. But Saturday, with James away and no babysitter, I was forced to bring him because we were fresh out of diapers and Cavit. Again, I figured I'd run in and run out. How much damage could he do in under 4 minutes? Within seconds, he'd grabbed a giant bag of Cheetos from the snack shelves and sat on it. The bag exploded and Cheetos crunched beneath my feet while I shooed him away. My arms were loaded up with diapers and wine so I tried to sort of herd him toward the check out line. He stayed in front of me, rolling a can of Bush's Baked Beans down the not-so-clean aisle. Then he overturned a bucket of ATM receipts and used coffee cups. I offered to clean everything up but the owner kindly said "not to worry." I bought the flattened Cheetos, went home and bathed Paulie in Purell.

10 comments:

GOY said...

Sounds much like Bennett's abduction of a Strawberry Shortcake umbrella from Payless that mysteriously disapeared over the ledge to the first floor of the Braintree Plaza. We offered to pay for it, but the man behind the counter shooed us out very quickly. The sad thing is that SAC and I were both there. Our bad episodes almost always occur when we are together and the embarrassment and rage gets funneled towards each other. Jerry Springer moments for the Cyrs!

KJ said...

Awesome. It was probably embarrassing at the time but you'll laugh hard at this story in retrospect..it's hilarious.

lp said...

Nice work, Bennett & Boulos. Perhaps these brawny little babes will someday be bouncers at Kellehers. We can only dare to dream...

SB said...

Bennett and Boulos at K-Hers? Waiting in line will only be a memory! Now if only Richie K can install one of those handicap stair-assist machines to haul 70-year-old DJ Bruce upstairs.

KJ said...

Oh no...Bruce Parker. I'd blocked him out. Nearly lost my lunch as a scent-memory of Just for Men Gel came rushing forth. Ewww.

GOY said...

Didn't Bruce Parker come to 3B3 the night I was charging a cover frm Rich K's infamous stool. Why was he there? Better yet, why am I thinking about it. The mention of BP is stirring up spme not so good images of him. Yuck. I would much rather picture Kate doin da butt with Eric D.

KJ said...

You are correct, GOY. I do believe he came by, uninvited. Was that the same night someone peed on our computer? RE: Eric D. I will eternally regret not bringing a boombox and an EU cassette to his "time" at the Dot Post.

lp said...

SB...didn't you and KO hire Bruce Parker for your wedding? If not, get ON it! That guy is probably STILL the "house dj" at K-Hers. Perhaps he'll start dating Nicole Ritchie now that she and DJ AM split.

SB said...

NOOOO! We did not hire Bruce! Although, the guitarist in the band for our wedding used to be in Bruno's band - XGURU. His name is FIL. Not Phil. FIL. This was not planned, just coincidence.

lp said...

"Fil." That's so lame.