05 December 2006

It's the Downey & Brownie Show (...and Lily!)

(Great. She's here again. She's probably drunk too.)

When Brownie moved in to the apartment downstairs from Downey this weekend, he created a dynamic rife with gooey sitcom potential.

Brownie, the perpetually exasperated Fido worker, just wants to be left alone in his new apartment to bake up some meaty loaves and watch Hasselhoff videos. Downey -- his vivacious upstairs neighbor with a freakishly large right hand -- keeps popping in offering to help him measure his windows for curtains. After waving her off several times, he finally lets her in when she tells him why she has so much free time on her hands: She was recently fired for viewing photos of Lindsay Lohan's firecrotch on Perezhilton.com at her office. He feels badly for her. And herein, the fruitful exchanges ensue. Downey talks to him about the Zen-like effect watching Anderson Cooper has on her. He reminds her to always clear her Internet cache. She suggests they have a Brownstone party once he's settled. He asks her if her dishtowels smell.

But just as the deeper layers of their characters start to reveal themselves, Downey whips out the tape measure. At the very same moment, Brownie turns around and gets the tip of it stuck in his fly. They both try to dislodge it with a series of violent twists and pulls, but all this does is cast a dirty shadow puppet show on the wall behind them.

(...And me!)

Cute pooches are often brought in when a show has jumped the shark, but here with Harvey Fierstein lending a raspy voiceover, Lily is a built-in contingency (and rumored ratings whore) who will virtually guarantee a successful season.

(I like him. He smells like soap.)

On Sat. Dec 9th, there will be an open casting call for a Bookman ("Buffalo Butt") or Schneider type character who is hellbent on foiling their Brownstone party plans.


BAGS said...

"Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you."

Cameo said...

AWESOME, Kate! I love it! My first sitcome appearance...and just in the nic of time too. Just think of the Tom Foolery that will ensue while I'm on the dole! QUENCHER here I come.

LPD said...

I just laughed out loud in my cube. Hilarious. Perhaps the hag downstairs on the first floor can play Mr. Furley or Mr. Roper.

Have fun at 155 I Street, Brownguy. I'm sure we'll come a-knockin'.

EPB said...

If there is a hag on the first floor than it has to be Mrs Roper.... is Di really a subject of Big Brother watching over Perezhiltion.com?????????

sb said...

KJ – that is excellent (although the pic of Fierstein is disturbing). Your rendition of “The Downey and Brownie Show! (… and Lily)” has exceeded all my expectations. I’m excited to reside on I St below Di and Lily. And I enjoyed the “Brownie is clean” insinuations throughout this script. Although from that I’m seeing that my anal approach to constant cleanliness at Shepard’s Way from ‘92 – ‘93 must have you put you through hell.

I can’t wait for everyone to come over… or at least stop by on their way up to see Di. I guarantee that there will always be cold beers in the fridge, wine in the cabinet, and sports or a good-bad movie on TV.

Lastly, hooking up my home computer has just surpassed any and all other tasks so that I can initiate a full investigation on to this site perezhilton.com.

KJ said...

BG: It's a total dramatization. I'll always cherish our cohabitation on Shepard's Way. Cannot wait to come by for the loaf.

EPB: No, but we're trying to start a rumor on the Internets about Cameo and Perez. She's going to be famous.

cameo said...

EPB: Nah, although I am a rabid Perez reader, my "release" from the S&P chains is voluntary. I am surprised every day that the "FORBIDDEN" page doesn't appear when I click on the link and "Firecrotch" reads across my screen.