02 December 2006

A Wiggly Shake-Up (by SAC)

The following is Scott A. Cyr's much anticipated "official statement" on the demise of the Yellow Wiggle:

"In an announcement that shocked the toddler world, the Wiggles have had a shake up. It appears that Greg Wiggle will be departing the band due to illness. Now, many of you PU readers are no doubt scratching your head, wondering who the Wiggles are but to millions of parents out there, they are the crazy, semi-gay, Australian whack jobs that provide us, the parents, with a much needed and often necessary 30 minute respite from our screaming, nagging, patient, and oh-so loving children.

Greg's departure, although sad, leaves me to question the millions of children who will fiercely battle on the playgorunds of preschools across America proclaiming themselves Greg Page Wiggle fans or Sam Moran Wiggle fans (a la the David Lee Roth [Rothonian] v. Sammy Hagar [Hagarian] debate that has plagued our generation, and still does.

It will be little Jack Beaudin who, I think, will be our first supporter of the non-Greg Page Wiggle DVD's and BlueRays while Caroline, Bennett, Camden and Paulie lay a diaper full of whoop ass on him denouncing the new Wiggle for the great talent that Greg was while showing this to Jack on VHS. (Jack, will no doubt be saying "Dude, what is VHS?" thus opening his own can of whoop ass on his "old bastard" friends)

Either way, I wish Sam Moran the best of luck as the new Wiggle and promise to provide him an open mind.

However, I do hope this new Wiggle is able to provide the legions of parents across the world with that much needed 30 minute siesta from the Zen of Child Raising to study the Art of Love by Teddy Pendergrass. Turn Out the Lights....."

7 comments:

KT said...

Oh, Greg Wiggle, we hardly knew ye! No one could point his fingers and do the twist like you! It will hardly be a wiggly party at the Taylor household. Who'd gonna drive that goddamn big red car? Jeff can't even see over the wheel! And you know Anthony's always drunk. Oh, Greg. Come to my house. I'll make a fruit salad and let you call Leroy Wags. You can even bring your gay lover, Captain Feathersword. Just for old times sake, Greg. What do you say? Gimme the thumbs up, man.....

Weeping in Winchester

BAGS said...

SAC,

So far Jack's early childhood development viewings have been limited to ESPN Sports Center, Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Sopranos. I'm not sure how the Wiggles (post Greg) will factor into his tv programming.

Also, Jack has mentioned that he wanted to go with some old school classics such as Sesame Street, Land of the Lost, School House Rock, Soap and ABC After School Specials, (My Dad Lives in a Downtown Hotel, The Girl with the Crazy Brother and My Dad Can't be Crazy (Can He?)

LPD said...

You mean, the kids aren't still watching "New Zoo Review"? Man, I'm out of the loop.

KJ said...

Carrie and Paul said they are waiting to hear Sam Moran's rendition of Hot Potato before they're willing to weigh in. That song is going to make it or break it for amarillo. Those toddlers are a tough crowd.
Good lucky.

LP: New Zoo Review fun fact: My brother Paul refused to watch that show because he hated Henrietta Hippo for the same reasons he loathed Nell Carter years later.

ko said...

Has anyone seen my Great Space Coaster? Damn those parking garages!!

KJ said...

KO. Gary Gnu. I love it.

Anonymous said...

have you gone to aliso? Kate J.