When I heard Flock of Seagulls, Cameo, Loverboy, Howard Jones and others like them were going to be covering the “pop hits of today” on a new show -- to quote The Sundays covering The Stones -- wild horses couldn't drag me away. I programmed my season pass for “Hit Me Baby One More Time” into TiVo weeks before the first show even aired to make sure I caught this train wreck on tape. And so far, it has more than delivered its payload of pong. The show's gooey production, dry ice and forced merriment align to form the perfect storm of primetime network cheese.
This is how it all goes down: The show’s host, Vernon Kay, an uber-groomed Guy Smiley with a Manchester accent and a shag wig, introduces aging rock stars who play their biggest hits from yesteryear. The audience erupts in a scripted-spontaneous-rock-out, likely staged to give the musicians a taste of their glory days, before they were forced to play at carnivals. The stars return in the second half of the show to play a popular song from today’s music scene. The best performer - determined by the audience - gets $20,000 donated to his/her/their favorite charity.
But in all its awfulness, HMBOMT is a ton of fun. It’s so-bad-it’s-good-fun, it’s fun like the Wham! Rap, fun like a shaving cream fight. And out of the silliness, some bright spots: Wang Chung covering Nelly, Arrested Development (who ARE the original Black Eyed Peas) covering Los Lonely Boys, Howard Jones covering Dido…all fabulous.
Cameo’s Larry Blackmon breaking it down in a red jockstrap and latex pants…an instant classic, but not quite as legendary as his carving his Afro into a triangle in the mid-80s.
The Knack initially made me feel icky during “My Sharona” when the 50- something lead singer made googly eyes at the 20 something girls in the front row when he sang the line: “I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind.” But the band redeemed themselves with a surprisingly explosive rendition of Jet’s “Are you Gonna be my Girl.” It was good -- so good they should have won. Unfortunately, they lost to Vanilla Ice.
Ice’s performance was among the worst of the evening but I suspect he won because he employed that fresh and novel concept of getting the audience to raise one of their arms and sway it from side to side like a windshield wiper. Irene Cara “won” last week’s episode with two lackluster performances when HoJo clearly blew Flashdance off the stage with his gorgeous “No One is to Blame” and cover of Dido’s “White Flag.”
I suspect Cara won because she wore a Fedora when she returned to perform her cover tune.
Other not-so-bright moments are some musicians who favor “artistic interpretations” of the hits of today. Don’t they know people hate that? I’m still pissed off about Rex Smith butchering – among many others -- Pat Benatar’s “Shadows of the Night” on Solid Gold. Martha from The Motels, who hands down had the most talent blew it by maiming Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why” with a country-style, chicken fried steak version. Sophie B. Hawkins of Damn! Wish I Was Your Lover fame sealed her fate when she rendered Five For Fighting’s ubiquitous “100 years” virtually unrecognizable. Still..I cannot wait for this week’s show. It’s the only thing that can tear me away from the Natalee Holloway investigation.
Bottom line on Hit Me Baby One More Time: Not as good as the Travis cover but better than the original.
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