13 February 2008

Rocket, Yeah, Satellite of Love

I'm watching the Roger Clemens hearing and I am astonished that his pants haven't burst into flames yet.  Most people, in Boston at least, already know he is a self-serving d-bag of the highest order.  But his behavior and arrogance throughout this entire scandal have made that an undeniable truth.  His conflicting stories and contradictory statements (under oath, no less) are not lies, it's just that everyone else is "misremembering" everything he's ever said and done. He claims to be the victim here yet is throwing his "friends" under the bus left and right. And if "misrememberer" isn't the most flagrant euphemism for liar, I don't know what is. Let's hope Pettite, etal look the word up on Google like I did. 

Clemens has always said his angry persona is not Roid Rage, but "motivation." That said, he's truly motivated today.  There he is up there, turning magenta, looking like he's going to overturn the table and start hurling folding chairs at the committee.  This hearing could end like "Primal Fear."  A headlock is imminent.  All this rage and denial from a butt-full of B-12? 

Three Good Reads on Clemens:

1) BG's Email Musings: "Clemens keeps commenting on "what he's done for the game." What did he do? Go to the highest paid organization from year to year? Wait out the beginning of the season for multiple years in an attempt to get the most money out of the highest bidder? That's a GREAT way to help build a farm system for consistent successful seasons and create a 25 man roster with equivalent talent.  He's just digging himself into a bigger hole by dragging this out. What a waste of a great career. Well, a career that theoretically might have ended in 1996 in his "twilight." Dan Duquette must be LOVING this moment right now." 

2) Sean Cunningham's piece in Esquire on  Why Clemens has always been a Lying D-Bag, Steroids Notwithstanding:  "While the only one who will ever truly know whether Roger Clemens injected illegal drugs is his own ass, anyone who's followed his career will concur that the Rocket is a lying bastard even if he didn't use steroids.  The injections allegedly began in the 1998, but the irrational rage, ever-changing stories, and general douchery were there from the start and continue to the present day."  

3) Bill Simmons' piece in ESPN the Magazine on How Steroids Destroyed Memories of a night at Sully's:   "Before the Mitchell Report, when I thought back to that night at Sully's, it was always a happy blur of strikeouts and phone calls and cigarettes and drinks and high fives. Now there's a shadow of a syringe, and it won't really go away.  We think the damage from the Steroids Era is about numbers, but it's really about memories -- the way we used to remember things and the way we remember them now."  

Right on.  An asterisk, a shadow, another sullied memory.  Sully's -- *Sigh* Does anyone else think we hallucinated those turkey sandwiches? 


BAGS said...

You have a drug dealer and a Yankee arguing over who is telling the truth. This whole situation sets up like a bad joke.

Do it for the children Roger. What a DB.

Anonymous said...

Turkey Sandwiches with pickles from Jack at Sully's. I didn't hallucinate those..

Anonymous said...

Can you believe Roger's wife took HGH too? How pissed is she at him for spilling those beans? "Oh yeah, my wife is also bad at oral sex too."

CunningLinguist said...

"Oh yeah, my wife is also bad at oral sex too." - I'll be the judge of that

lpd said...

I once saw Clemens and his kids at Schlotsky's Deli (worst deli in the world). He was still with the Sox at the time. Out of respect for his privacy and time with his kids, my two colleagues and I each smiled a silent, polite, "Hey Man!" expression towards him as we passed by. He couldn't even muster a smile at us...he looked like he wanted to rip our heads off. Dbag.