29 February 2008

No Longer Erupting

I've been putting off getting my super-erupting wisdom teeth out for more than a year because the mere thought of it threw me into a high state of anxiety.  I've had a spinal fusion, two c-sections and lord knows how many other invasive procedures, but this wisdom teeth gig really freaked me out.  It was part claustrophia, part having something removed from your head with a wrench.  It was also part PTS as I had two impacted wisdom teeth out about 15 years ago and the oral surgeon drilled into a nerve, laying me up for a week on Percocet and grape popsicles.  This time the upper teeth were merely erupting, which is apparently a better scenario.  But James wasn't making matters any better on the ride over, suggesting they'd probably still have to break the teeth up a little to get them out.   What?  He quickly changed the subject, telling me he'd gotten his hair cut that morning by the "most annoying person he's ever encountered."  Those who know James know he is not an abuser of hyperbole, he uses superlatives sparingly.  He couldn't pinpoint any one reason the stylist was supremely annoying other than a line about "preferring to party at the bars in Quincy." He was simply offended by her entire manner and the way she talked.  He was really fired up about it too.  And its effect, the randomness of it all,  was like laughing gas on me as we pulled into the parking lot.  Of course, as it is with everything, the anticipation was worse than the actual event.  The extraction was over in less than 10 minutes and now I'm enjoying a little pharmaceutical vacation.  Thinking about going out for a bowl of mashed potatoes later.  

27 February 2008

Don't Drink and iMac

Just when I thought a PictureMail of the "meaty bitch" was going to be the most offensive illustration of the loaf & Lohr evening, I present you with a lesson in "where you at, fool." Please don't try this nonsense at home without a magnum of red wine. (yeah, we're almost 40)


21 February 2008


Vito has planted himself -- pining -- outside the fridge. He knows there is a leftover roast inside, he wants a piece of it, even a whiff of it, he wants to be as close to it as possible. Whining incessantly, he is trying to wear me down with this psychological game.

15 February 2008

Random Quizzilla

1) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Definitely behind it -- a self-proclaimed documentarian. Not to mention, there are very few pictures/videos of myself that I can stand. And we all know that the wrong angle can result in a unphotogenic phenomenon that Nic has dubbed “Big Face.” The only photo of myself I actually liked -- my college yearbook pic -- was a freak occurrence. I was unshowered, hungover and wearing a borrowed “blouse” that had made the rounds that month. Of course, I can no longer stand that one anymore because, my God, the hair, the big, big hair.

2) Do you feel younger or older than your current age?
There’s definitely been an elderly thing happening as of late. All this drinking tea and shivering. Saying things like: “Oh yeah, I saw that on Chronicle.” Still, overall I feel younger than my 38 years. I feel closer to 30. That was a great year so I've kind of stuck there mentally and spiritually. I think it was the first year I felt I was in charge of my own life. Of course, all that has been upended in the wake of the wee brown ones. Still -- it’s all good. The best we can hope for is aging like a fine wine, not egg salad in the sun.

3) Have you ever won money on a scratch ticket?
I won two dollars once but that’s about it. I did win a free oil change on a promotional scratch ticket from Jiffy Lube once, but James threw it away -- My winnings! That's fine. I wouldn't want to become like this woman I always see at the Assinippi General Store dropping about $100 on scratch tickets. She's stuck in another decade, always reminiscing to the clerk about how she once won $10,000 on a scratch ticket. It appears she's been trying to recreate the magic of that day ever since. It's very Glass Menagerie: "17 gentlemen callers."

4) What do you search for in a friend? What causes you to "click" with someone?
Not sure. I don’t know if I've ever actively sought out friendship. Probably because I've never lived anywhere else and haven't had to go on the offensive. Friendship has always been something that has happened naturally -- you click or you don't. That said, I guess I'm drawn to people who are generally positive and those who are harmless makers of mischief. I definitely have an aversion to sourpusses and manufacturers of meaningless crisis.

5) What is a lie you tell yourself?
"There’s plenty of time for that."

13 February 2008

Rocket, Yeah, Satellite of Love

I'm watching the Roger Clemens hearing and I am astonished that his pants haven't burst into flames yet.  Most people, in Boston at least, already know he is a self-serving d-bag of the highest order.  But his behavior and arrogance throughout this entire scandal have made that an undeniable truth.  His conflicting stories and contradictory statements (under oath, no less) are not lies, it's just that everyone else is "misremembering" everything he's ever said and done. He claims to be the victim here yet is throwing his "friends" under the bus left and right. And if "misrememberer" isn't the most flagrant euphemism for liar, I don't know what is. Let's hope Pettite, etal look the word up on Google like I did. 

Clemens has always said his angry persona is not Roid Rage, but "motivation." That said, he's truly motivated today.  There he is up there, turning magenta, looking like he's going to overturn the table and start hurling folding chairs at the committee.  This hearing could end like "Primal Fear."  A headlock is imminent.  All this rage and denial from a butt-full of B-12? 

Three Good Reads on Clemens:

1) BG's Email Musings: "Clemens keeps commenting on "what he's done for the game." What did he do? Go to the highest paid organization from year to year? Wait out the beginning of the season for multiple years in an attempt to get the most money out of the highest bidder? That's a GREAT way to help build a farm system for consistent successful seasons and create a 25 man roster with equivalent talent.  He's just digging himself into a bigger hole by dragging this out. What a waste of a great career. Well, a career that theoretically might have ended in 1996 in his "twilight." Dan Duquette must be LOVING this moment right now." 

2) Sean Cunningham's piece in Esquire on  Why Clemens has always been a Lying D-Bag, Steroids Notwithstanding:  "While the only one who will ever truly know whether Roger Clemens injected illegal drugs is his own ass, anyone who's followed his career will concur that the Rocket is a lying bastard even if he didn't use steroids.  The injections allegedly began in the 1998, but the irrational rage, ever-changing stories, and general douchery were there from the start and continue to the present day."  

3) Bill Simmons' piece in ESPN the Magazine on How Steroids Destroyed Memories of a night at Sully's:   "Before the Mitchell Report, when I thought back to that night at Sully's, it was always a happy blur of strikeouts and phone calls and cigarettes and drinks and high fives. Now there's a shadow of a syringe, and it won't really go away.  We think the damage from the Steroids Era is about numbers, but it's really about memories -- the way we used to remember things and the way we remember them now."  

Right on.  An asterisk, a shadow, another sullied memory.  Sully's -- *Sigh* Does anyone else think we hallucinated those turkey sandwiches? 

11 February 2008

Farewell and Adieu, Chief Brody...

...Off to that bigger boat in the sky

Traveling Aquarian Birthday Tour, Day 3

(All photos have been pre-screened by Nic for "big face")

On Saturday, we ventured up Route 3 with newly-minted South Shore residents, the Flaleys, to sign on to Code Red's Traveling Aquarian burthday tour. The meandering celebration had entered its third straight day and ended with bags of frozen peas and ibuprofen and the ponderance of hip replacement surgery. We tore into a late lunch at Firefly and then ran down the street and around the corner through squalling snow with no boots on to the Oak Room to meet up with Nic, Paul, Sinead and Fergus for some civilized cocktails. Here we toasted EPB's 40th, discussed names for the Flaley fetus (it's a boy!) -- LaDainian for now -- and took turns touching Paul's velvet blazer, which did not turn out to be velvet at all. Happy Birthday, Annie!

Some shots:

("Nice winter coat, T-Bag"

-- BG on T's skyward fro)

Sinead & Nic: 1 Big Face: 0

Make us some crepes!

Resplendent in velvet.

06 February 2008


(Buon Compleanno!)

I started calling Ernie Bean "Ernesto Beanini" after Roberto Beanini's character in the movie "Life is Beautiful." He wasn't as much of a spaz as Roberto's character but his love of life and fervent belief in the beauty of it was just as palpable.

Many years have passed since the days we'd go to the movies at Kendall in groups of 10 and then shoot pool at Flat Top Johnny's. But things are even better now than then: Ernie turns 40 this Saturday. Right now, he's living in Australia (alas, no dancing at Paradise Cafe this year), but the key word is living, living, living. And living well and healthy. Sometimes we forget just how significant this is. I can’t tell his story as well as he can. That said, raise a toast to Ernesto Beanini this week, but most important, visit Bean Down Under, read his story, and blow up his comment box with birthday wishes.

04 February 2008

Blame the Hoodie

Honestly. Was this really the night to shake up the wardrobe?