07 October 2005
The Pointy Universe is proud to post LP's inaugural guest blog.
While stuffed inside a Boston Coach van with six colleagues on a return business trip from NH yesterday, my coworker pointed to a cheap-looking, white, 1990’s era convertible haulin’ arse down Route 3 with the word “COBRA” sprayed across its bumper. “Cobra?” she wondered aloud, “What the hell’s a Cobra?”
Tears welled as instant recall brought forth the image of my favorite childhood car, the 1976 Ford Mustang Cobra II, white with blue racing stripes down the center. It was the very same car driven by Jill Munroe, played by Farrah Fawcett on the original television series, “Charlie’s Angels”. As I super-hi-speed-talked my way through a discourse on the Dream Car/Dream Show combo crush that preceded the 1987 Volkswagen Cabriolet /“Can’t Buy Me Love” phase of my life, I soon realized that my fellow passengers were too young, too old or too uneducated in the fine art of 1970’s pop culture to appreciate my fervor. Or, perhaps they were scared of me. Probably the latter.
Nonetheless, inspired by the coincidence that the Creator of Pointy Universe has a namesake who starred on Charlie’s Angels, I decided to pursue this topic for my inaugural blog article. (Y’all will have to wait for “Spawn of Spears” or “Why I Hate Britney”.)
God, I loved that car and I loooooved Charlie’s Angels. Like most girls that grew up in the 70’s, I wanted to date a Duke and be an Angel. That car was extra special to me because my friend Barbra’s* mother had the very same one and I got to ride in it quite frequently. In that car, I was Kelly Garret (Jaclyn Smith) herself: nestled into my pleather bucket seat, ponytails waving in the wind, metal lunchbox full of secret files and a pistol packed into my Holly Hobby bookbag. Didn’t matter to me that on the show Kelly actually drove a plain ol’ yellow Mustang and not a Cobra, for I was 8 years old and had no time for such trivial details. Furthermore, none of my friends’ moms had yellow Mustangs, so... My own mom was driving a Celica and dad drove a Slimemobile, a.k.a. green Monte Carlo. [Shudder]
As a child, my cousins and I would play Charlie’s Angels constantly. (If you can imagine the flowers we are holding in this goofy picture were guns, then this might have been the cover shot for our own show.) I was always Kelly, the one faithful Angel that lasted throughout the show’s entire tenure and the only one to have her own clothing line at K-Mart. Karey was Jill, as she was blond and second in line, age-wise. We made Lisa play Sabrina, mostly because she was the smart, quiet one who didn’t protest. Also, her parents wouldn’t let her watch the show thus she really didn’t have any input into her own dialogue and Karey (Jill) and I (Kelly) could boss her around and tell her what to say.
It is important to note that Sabrina drove an orange Pinto. Not a dream car. Sabrina really did get the short end of the stick on that show. Never pays to be smart, sassy and brunette if you’re in 1970’s TV Land. Don’t know what “Scarecrow’s” Mrs. King drove, but hopefully it was cooler.
Eventually, when her work for the post office required a more practical, less “flashy” means of transportation, Barbra’s mom sold that Cobra and bought a station wagon. My heart broke that day and perhaps there’s still a small scar. My cousins and I left the Angels behind along with our Shawn Cassidy posters and took up playing video games and watching MTV. Dream cars have come and gone since then, but these days I’m just praying that none of our friends sells out and buys a mini-van, the anti-dream car. Meanwhile, my tired 1999 Accord is subjected to daily curbside abuse with its potential towing, parking tickets and the chance that those Southie punks will leave another “ass dent” in her flank. Might be time to test drive a Mini-Cooper.
*Not to be confused with Peg's friend Barbra whom SB hit on in a dimly-hit hallway at LP's college graduation party.