07 October 2005

CAR CRUSH


The Pointy Universe is proud to post LP's inaugural guest blog.

While stuffed inside a Boston Coach van with six colleagues on a return business trip from NH yesterday, my coworker pointed to a cheap-looking, white, 1990’s era convertible haulin’ arse down Route 3 with the word “COBRA” sprayed across its bumper. “Cobra?” she wondered aloud, “What the hell’s a Cobra?”

Tears welled as instant recall brought forth the image of my favorite childhood car, the 1976 Ford Mustang Cobra II, white with blue racing stripes down the center. It was the very same car driven by Jill Munroe, played by Farrah Fawcett on the original television series, “Charlie’s Angels”. As I super-hi-speed-talked my way through a discourse on the Dream Car/Dream Show combo crush that preceded the 1987 Volkswagen Cabriolet /“Can’t Buy Me Love” phase of my life, I soon realized that my fellow passengers were too young, too old or too uneducated in the fine art of 1970’s pop culture to appreciate my fervor. Or, perhaps they were scared of me. Probably the latter.

Nonetheless, inspired by the coincidence that the Creator of Pointy Universe has a namesake who starred on Charlie’s Angels, I decided to pursue this topic for my inaugural blog article. (Y’all will have to wait for “Spawn of Spears” or “Why I Hate Britney”.)

God, I loved that car and I loooooved Charlie’s Angels. Like most girls that grew up in the 70’s, I wanted to date a Duke and be an Angel. That car was extra special to me because my friend Barbra’s* mother had the very same one and I got to ride in it quite frequently. In that car, I was Kelly Garret (Jaclyn Smith) herself: nestled into my pleather bucket seat, ponytails waving in the wind, metal lunchbox full of secret files and a pistol packed into my Holly Hobby bookbag. Didn’t matter to me that on the show Kelly actually drove a plain ol’ yellow Mustang and not a Cobra, for I was 8 years old and had no time for such trivial details. Furthermore, none of my friends’ moms had yellow Mustangs, so... My own mom was driving a Celica and dad drove a Slimemobile, a.k.a. green Monte Carlo. [Shudder]



As a child, my cousins and I would play Charlie’s Angels constantly. (If you can imagine the flowers we are holding in this goofy picture were guns, then this might have been the cover shot for our own show.) I was always Kelly, the one faithful Angel that lasted throughout the show’s entire tenure and the only one to have her own clothing line at K-Mart. Karey was Jill, as she was blond and second in line, age-wise. We made Lisa play Sabrina, mostly because she was the smart, quiet one who didn’t protest. Also, her parents wouldn’t let her watch the show thus she really didn’t have any input into her own dialogue and Karey (Jill) and I (Kelly) could boss her around and tell her what to say.

It is important to note that Sabrina drove an orange Pinto. Not a dream car. Sabrina really did get the short end of the stick on that show. Never pays to be smart, sassy and brunette if you’re in 1970’s TV Land. Don’t know what “Scarecrow’s” Mrs. King drove, but hopefully it was cooler.

Eventually, when her work for the post office required a more practical, less “flashy” means of transportation, Barbra’s mom sold that Cobra and bought a station wagon. My heart broke that day and perhaps there’s still a small scar. My cousins and I left the Angels behind along with our Shawn Cassidy posters and took up playing video games and watching MTV. Dream cars have come and gone since then, but these days I’m just praying that none of our friends sells out and buys a mini-van, the anti-dream car. Meanwhile, my tired 1999 Accord is subjected to daily curbside abuse with its potential towing, parking tickets and the chance that those Southie punks will leave another “ass dent” in her flank. Might be time to test drive a Mini-Cooper.

*Not to be confused with Peg's friend Barbra whom SB hit on in a dimly-hit hallway at LP's college graduation party.

12 comments:

KJ said...

LP-The images and memories you've conjured up have me all puffed up with nostalgia.

And you can rest assured I will never ever drive a minivan, aka "Soul Destoyer."

James said...

Obviously Kate and LP never saw Pete DeLucas minivan. Sixteen speakers plenty of room for skis between the seats and the cooler in the back row. I would buy one tommorow if Kate would let me.

Celine said...

LP, this is hysterical! I'm suddenly launched to the back seat of my parent's toyota corolla wagon. Shaun Cassidy still rocks and "Born Late" remains in my top 10 best albums EVER.

GREAT stuff LP,nicely done!!!

KJ said...

Auntie's total recall moment: Noting that Shawn Cassidy's baby picture was on the front inside cover of that album.

LP: It's true about this blog scaring up some deep seated memories. I can almost smell the stale smoke from my parents' Winston-Salems, which they used to chain smoke in our Pontiac with the windows rolled up. I can hear Neil Diamond's September Morn through crackly AM static. My brother and I, two goobers in the backseat.

KJ said...

Jimmy-Surrender the fantasy. I'd rather drive a moped.

SB said...

JJ >> don't forget that minivans now come with DVD players. Although The Wiggles resonating through 16 speakers may traumatize any adult.

wmd said...

Great stuff. But you may be a little off-base. Maybe the driver was just a huge Stallone fan??

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/68/36/41m.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090859/&h=137&w=100&sz=5&tbnid=nodCPwnVQ7MJ:&tbnh=87&tbnw=63&hl=en&start=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dstallone%2Bcobra%26start%3D120%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN

p.s. i'm with you on the minivan james. rented one down in FL visiting my parents. lot of room and pretty comfortable. good for a road-trip.

lp said...

Someday, WMD, I will gladly accept your name (assuming my mother ever learns to pronounce it), but I simply cannot accept a mini-van. Pre-nup!

KJ said...

Perhaps WMD and James can wear matching fanny packs while driving around in their minivans.

SAC said...

A minivan CAn only be cool if "pimped" to include the classic wood side panels, spoked chrome rims, and an original Lee Iaccoca issued Chrysler Hood Ornament.

Otherwise, the moped is a better option.

lp said...

Right on, SAC!

Anonymous said...

The CVAN is more commonly known as the Ultmate Loser Cruiser. No Lady Owl should be subject to cruising around in a vehicle that screams out, "Caution: Woman who has lost her life to kids on board".

GOY