22 November 2005


Bags, one of 413's finest, is offering clarity on some of the bewildering backspeak one may be confronted with when people from Western Mass infiltrate your family or group of friends. It's an unprecedented effort to bridge the cultural divide that exists between 617 and 413 and the Pointy Universe supports and gives kudos to Bags (and SAC, who contributed to this report) for his generous outreach.

413-isms by BAGS
There's 413 and then there's the rest of the world. The WSC crew only had a small glimpse of life in the world of Western Massachusetts. Unless you grew up there, [like SAC and I,] you can never truly appreciate how an entire region often speaks an entirely different language from the eastern part of the state. Many times we’ve been asked to explain, “what do you call that or what’s the equivalent?” only to do so to a bewildered look. I am setting the record straight once and for all:

617 / 781 World---- 413 Equivalent

Ice Cream Man---- Ding Dong Cart
The prom---- Prom (no “the”)
Jimmies / Sprinkles (on sundae)---- Shots (pronounced shahts)
Sub---- Grinder
Tonic / Soda---- Cola
BBQ/Cookout---- Picnicking (or Picnic as a verb)
Go to the Liquor Store---- Make a Packy Run**
Quarter Barrel---- Beer Ball

**often heard in parts of Massachusetts, mostly from underage drinkers.

And for all of you Bostonians who think deep fried turkey on Thanksgiving is trendy new tradition, you’re wrong. The Berkshire relatives have been perfecting this art form since the early 70’s. In the holiday tradition we’ll leave you with the Thanksgiving equivalents of what will be served this Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving:

617 / 781 Talk---- 413 Equivalent

Roast Turkey---- Deep Fried Turkey
Fresh Cranberries---- Cranberry with the can marks
Homemade stuffing---- Stove Top stuffing
Real mashed potatoes---- Betty Crocker Potato Buds
Pinot Grigio---- Jack Daniels
Merlot---- Pabst Blue Ribbon - cans
….and for dessert
Tom The Turkey – Carvel Cake---- Jubilee Roll – Friendly’s


SAC said...

Good job Bags. You forgot the following:
"the" is used for most place nouns but not people nouns. For example, "I am going to Doctor".

It also must be said that Keilbasa is best served boiled, not pan seared, grilled, flambed, or put on a stick (although the stick option is okay if camping). This is usually served on a plate (not a platter) and preferably with cocktail sauce made with Chicopee's finest horseradish sauce: Dolman's. Not easily found in 617/781 or 978 for that matter. Of course the keilbasa itself is a Blue Label and made with pig assholes/snouts/and feet. We'll have NONE of that Hillshire Farms Turkey Keilbasa!!!!

Merlot or Pinot Grigio-available in 413 but typically in a box and usually only in the Franzia variety.

You also forgot the annual tradition of attending the local high school football games. Holyoke v. Chicopee. South Hadley Tigers v. Chicopee Comprehensive Colts. At one time it was Northampton that us Tiger played which was good because their field was adjacent to the VFW for halftime, a home game saw us cozied up at the Halfway House-Great name for a bar by the way! Especially if in the denial stage of a 12 Step program....

KJ said...

Oh God. I feel a regular feature coming on. SAC..I'm signing you up for "You know you're from 413"..you and Bags.

BAGS said...

SAC, your 413 wisdom is supreme. And as some of my Berkshire relatives would say,
"Rehab is for quitters."

God I miss Blue Label.

SB said...

Bags... after that last quote, I may have to donate my "REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS" shirt to the 413 Hall of Fame (and I'm not talking about the NBA HOF).

wmd said...

Bags, this is priceless. You and SAC may be on to a whole new business of practically printing money. You're like the Area Code Frommer's Guide. You should print pocket versions so people can have them handy while travelling. Throw on a Rick Steves' lisp and you've got your own television show.

The possibilities are endless. I'm sure the lovely LP would spend big bucks for a copy of "508: A Guide to Italian Holiday's". She'd learn ahead of time that it's "gravy" and not sauce in my family. Also what's good (bracciole) and what to stay away from (pig hock's) in the gravy. She'll learn soon enough that it's "macaroni" and not pasta (the word "pasta" gets and extra $10 a plate in restaurants) and that every holiday meal has macaroni and gravy and even though there's a huge fantastic turkey, it's served last and people only eat a little, more out of tradition than anything else.

Keep up the good work.

SAC said...

Blue Label and Blue Ribbon (Pabst). Ahhhh, the memories come flooding back of relatives of yore gettin' all liquored up at the holidays!


SAC said...

Blue Label and Blue Ribbon (Pabst). Ahhhh, the memories come flooding back of relatives of yore gettin' all liquored up at the holidays!


SAC said...

Blue Label and Blue Ribbon (Pabst). Ahhhh, the memories come flooding back of relatives of yore gettin' all liquored up at the holidays!


Code Red said...

What about prom, Blaine? What about prom?! Clearly Molly Ringwald has spent some quality time in 413. Bags & SAC, Nelson Mandela's got nuthin' on you guys!

lp said...

Hey, you gawt a quorter for tha jukebawx? PVTA! Whip City! Roy Rogers Burgers! Good Diggin! These are a few of my 413 favorites.