10 January 2006
Why is anyone surprised by this?
On every entertainment network or Web site today, people are calling the Swank-Lowe split "baffling" and talking about how it "came out of nowhere." I don't understand why this is shocking news..The only shock is that it didn't happen sooner. Swank married Lowe when she was a fledgling actress on "Beverly Hills 90210" when it was on its death bed. She finds herself in the company of Chad Lowe, of the 80s Lowes, who is riding high after playing HIV-positive Jesse for one season on "Life Goes On" aka "Corky." Most of the Corky actors, including Lowe, faded into obscurity. Kelly Martin (miserable Becca) showed up on ER. Patti Lupone (the intrusive mother), when she's not on Broadway, is on MSNBC yammering on about being felt up by TSA workers at airports, pissing off Code Red in ways unimaginable.
(photo: I can't believe I married this guy)
Anyway, when Swank marries Lowe, she thinks she's "marrying up," a sport in Hollywood a few rungs up from what's commonly known as "starfucking." But then! Swank's own star begins to rise. After she wins her first Oscar for "Boys Don't Cry," she thanks everyone short of the maintenance workers, but doesn't thank -- or even glance at Chad, who no longer seems like a prize but some David Spade-ish elf openly weeping into a hanky. After her second Oscar for "Million Dollar Baby," Swank drops her house-husband like a burnt chicken nugget. The same thing probably happened with Jen Garner and Scott Foley. It appears that two stars cancel each other out when one outshines the other.
**Or as Ofelia Cox duly noted, "When a lesbian marries a gay man, it's bound not to work out." I guess this is likely a better explanation as Swank was more convincing as a heterosexual male in her Boy Don't Cry role than Chad was in general. Hmmm.