1) How fast can you type?
Fast. I don’t know how many words per minute anymore but when I was signed up with a temp agency many moons ago, I was regarded as some sort of typing savant. My skills once earned me top honors as “Temp of the Month," scoring me a $25 gift certificate to Souper Salad.
2) What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
105.2 in 1988. Yikes. I had mono & strep throat and was in the grips of delirium. I remember being incredibly thirsty but not having the faculties to sit up and bark at someone to fetch me some fluids. Then I started hallucinating: I was sitting at a giant Mac computer where if I pressed the “escape” key, I would get a few orange slices. For whatever reason, I kept hitting the wrong key or missing it all together. Strangely enough, I was fully aware that I was lying in my bed and imagining all of this computer-driven-citrus-rewards crap, but that didn’t discourage me from trying like mad to get me some orange slices. Juicy. Once my fever broke, I drank a bucket of OJ while my brother told everyone at school that I had scurvy.
3) Share an anecdote where you displayed impressive self-restraint at work.
When I worked at the Big Dig, a protocol-obsessed hag who will remain nameless used to call these pointless weekly staff meetings. This is a woman who hated all other women so much she spent an exorbitant amount of time penning and distributing a company-wide memo forbidding certain "personnel" from congregating by the office's windows, i.e the "coffee klatch" that included me and several other female coworkers. While I never officially reported to her, she was one of my quasi-bosses, which meant mandatory attendance at her pointless staff meetings. These humorless gatherings brought together disenfranchised communications workers -- stripped of any voice or meaning -- from all over the Dig.
Anyway, the hag/quasi-boss used to wear these belts that were cinched so tightly around her waist I swear they cut off her circulation. There was a school of thought at the Dig that her belts were the true source of her misery. Then, at one of the dreaded staff meetings, the laws of physics finally took over. Her belt popped off and flew across the conference room and everyone had to pretend it didn’t happen. For me, this involved a monumental amount of self-restraint. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone and sat stone faced for the next 20 minutes with every cell in my body vibrating and twitching. Once we were dismissed, I had to cry in the ladie’s loo for 15 minutes just to release all the pent up energy.
4) Did you watch anything good on TV today?
LOST. It was one of the better ones of the season. Strange there were no flashbacks, though. (James loves that). Tonight, Sawyer killed Locke’s douche of a Dad. Woo hoo. The only thing that troubles me is that tonight’s episode is going to re-spark the whole Purgatory theory. I thought we’d already overanalyzed this topic and moved on. We’ve already been down the Dante-Divine Comedy road -- why is this coming up now? It’s gotta be a red herring, the show would never be this obvious. Any theories/thoughts are appreciated.
5) Have you ever reinvented yourself?
Nothing Mark Wahlbergian but I’ve certainly done some tweaking over the years. Who hasn’t? But I wouldn’t call it reinvention so much as maintenance or evolution. I don’t know, I’m just trying to be myself and behave.