31 May 2007

Stripper Lover

(I love to text dirty.)

I was feeling badly for people who shelled out buckets of cash for the Sox/Yanks games this weekend just for the opportunity to boo Roger Clemens. The Yankees apparently don’t believe Clemens is man enough to handle the pressure at Fenway, so they have robbed us of that catharsis.

Now -- a gift of renewed contempt, wrapped in a blue bow, has arrived on our collective doorstep courtesy of A-Rod and his stripper-loving bravado.

That buzz in the air is the sound of “Stray-Rod” t-shirts being produced in factories all over Boston. Jerry Remy is probably composing some dirty limericks about the scandal as we speak. This has restored my faith in karma.

A-Rod has always been a big fat jerk but his inherent dirtbag-ness was confirmed for me after his childish and pathetic attempt to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo’s glove a few years ago. For me, that action was not only indicative of who he was as a ballplayer, but as a person: Cheap, petty, out for himself.

Now this clich├ęd indiscretion with the big-breasted bleached blonde has come to light. Maybe the term “indiscretion” is inappropriate as he didn’t seem to try to hide it. He was not only spotted squiring this “lady” to a strip club in Toronto, but also to a topless pool bar in Vegas a few weeks ago – a real class act. Worse, today’s New York Daily News reveals that A-Rod is known in NYC as the “King of the Strip Clubs,” a lap dance enthusiast who sends X-rated text messages to his conquests and indulges in wild after-hours orgies at a private social club in Chelsea that fronts as a poker club. Yikes. He even took one of his favorite strippers on a Versace shopping spree recently, according to the Daily News.

A quote from a strip club insider gets my vote for a t-shirt slogan: “A-Rod loves to text dirty.”

Still, I feel badly for his beautiful wife and daughter who not only have to deal with his cruel betrayal but his arrogance about it:

"I certainly don't think this will be a distraction to our team," he said, as if “this” was no big deal, as if he got caught leaving a shitty tip at a restaurant.

He’s deluded. The only possible distraction from “this” would be Derek Jeter getting caught having sex with a billy goat in the locker room.

At the very least, Sox fans will get their money’s worth this weekend in this renewed opportunity to boo someone just as mendacious and vacant as Clemens.

9 comments:

Bob said...

There is no greater respect I can have in the world (hyperbole) than for someone who introduces me to a word that,

1)I've never heard before, and
2)completely and perfectly "fits" the context in which it is being used.

Thanks, Kate. Keep it up.

P.S. Arod is a "mendacious" fag.

P.P.S. I must confess:
1)I am watching the Spelling BEE as I write this, and,
2)I was the ghost writer of Jessica Alba's pug's missive from a few posts back, beacause, as we all know, dogs can't talk.

KJ said...

With apologies to the fags. Let's not lump this pig in with them; he's unworthy.

Thanks, Bob/Brutus. :) Don't be too impressed. I know my way around a thesaurus. I can't watch those Spelling Bees as they bring back the pain of my crushing loss to Darlene DiNublia in the sixth grade spelling bee when I misspelled "skeleten" -- talk about fear of failure.

EPB said...

Thank you KJ for sticking up for those non mendacious fags. LOL! I can't wait to see and hear the reaction to A-Rod this weekend. Not only does he cheat off the field he plays dirty on the field too. Check out the articles on his latest mishap with interfering with a pop-up as he was rounding 3rd. Total jack ass!

Anonymous said...

Bob,

Say 5 hosannahs for Charles Nelson Reilly in pennance.

bg said...

EPD - you beat me to it. A-Job claims he said "hah" when running to 3rd, but it looks more like "mine", which would throw any infielder off in this situation. Check out the footage on You Tube and decide for yourself. He's such a penis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hYZA_s_E8M

Pubey said...

Speaking of Mr. Nelson Reilly....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcMbaS3lvyo

Say what you want about Alec Baldwin. This is brilliant!

Alex said...

The "R. Kelly Banged Sheff's wife" t is still the gold standard of yawkey t's in my opinion.

KJ said...

I love coming home to comments on the PU. Woo hoo.

BG/EPB: A-Rod IS a total penis, a flaccid one at that.

Pubes!: What's happening, man? That IS brilliant. A classic. Thanks for posting. Charles Nelson Reilly RIP. And for the record, I'm a huge fan of Alec Baldwin's, I just wasn't a fan of his calling his 11-year-old daughter a pig. It's sort of a "worship the music, not the musician" philosophy applied to actors.

Alex: I haven't seen that one but now that you've mentioned it, I'll probably see it everywhere. Is there anyone R.Kelly hasn't banged? Talk about pigs.

bg said...

Wow. Baldwin nails Charles Nelson Reilly there.