13 September 2005

A Special Kind of Jackass

Driving to my Panera satellite office this morning, I was stuck in traffic on Route 53 behind a hulking green Escalade where - featured in prominent red lettering - was the beat slogan: "Don't like my Driving? Dial 1-800-Bite-Me." This was not a traditional bumpersticker but an actual license plate posted above his regular plate. It looked like it took a great deal of time and effort - involving specialty tools and screws - to affix this ridiculous sign to the rear of the car.

My question is what kind of a loser a) seeks out and purchases such an item, and b) dedicates a copious number of hours to rigging up a special platform for it on his/her automobile? The size of the Escalade is already suggestive of a deficit in one's life (or anatomy) but it really takes a special kind of jackass to drive around with something so intentionally antagonistic -- in Hingham, no less. I hope he drives into Boston and gets carjacked.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

A little "bundle of love" for Christmas! Oodles of Poodles
Toys, Tiny Toys, Teacups, a girl or a boy. Ask Santa to bring a gift of continuing joy!

KJ said...

oodles of Poodles. Are you frigging kidding me? I'm off to purchase some Spam-o-cide...

wmd said...

put me down for 2 orders of Mugs of Pugs

lp said...

Wonder if Oodles of Poodles' spam search is based on the word "jackass", which would make sense. Alas, I digress... Kate, you know my theory that drivers with stuffed animals in their rear windows and/or crap hanging from rearview mirrors are a-holes. This escalade just got himself added to the list.

BAGS said...

KJ, you must have been stuck behind one of my redneck cousins. The same people who have a $2,500 worth of surround sound in their bondo box car that has a blue book value of approximately $350.

These are the same people who use their maxed out credit cards at McDonalds for a 20 pack of McNuggets and a Super Sized Shamrock Shake. Needless to say their wedding invites to my wedding got lost in the mail.

SB said...

Does Dr. Dial-a-Dick realize that when you dial 1-800-Bite-Me, it's still one number short? Geez... now he's going to have to take off that NH style plate, think up a new number to match his zany radical sarcasm, then get that put on a new plate, then go back to Home Depot.......

SB said...

I just had a similar instance coming into work this morning. I pulled into the Seaport Garage behind a 1998 Ford F150... and on the trailer hitch (of course he had a trailer hitch) was a shiny silver skeleton head w/ red eyes that lit up in unison with the break lights. Although I must admit that I found this rather amusing.