25 May 2006

Old Hairy Hasselhoff

I knew I'd be deeply engrossed in the Lost two-hour season finale last night so, out of morbid curiosity, I decided to TiVO American Idol so I could see the final announcement. At first, I was slightly ashamed of myself for recording it but I am SO glad I did. I was fast-forwarding through Ryan "the Tan" Seacrest's empty yammering when I saw the unmistakable glint of the Hoff. I had to rewind and pause a few times because he was easy to miss. I almost woke up everyone in the house when I exclaimed, "Holy Christ, it's Hasselhoff!" At first I thought I was in the grips of some Zyrtec-induced hallucination, but no, there he was in all his hairy glory -- sitting in the audience, welling up with cheesy sentiment at all the Idol fanfare. It was so worth it.

But it gets better. Hasselhoff and some other misbegotten relics are going to be judges on a crappy knock-off show this summer called "America's Got Talent." These horrible shows usually inspire blind indifference or hopeless rubbernecking in me; I have a feeling I won't be able to turn my eyes from this one. It could end up being "surprise fun" like last summer's Hit Me Baby One More Time, which -- as I've said previously -- was so-bad-it's-good fun, fun like the Wham! Rap, fun like a shaving cream fight.

(NOTE: Be thankful I posted this ridiculous G-rated tire swing photo of the Hoff. I was going to post this one but decided to spare you)

15 comments:

wmd said...

Baywatch was effing brilliant. That's all I have to say.

lp said...

Oh dear god how I wish I hadn't clicked on the unrated image of Hoff. Horrible. Just horrible.

I hope they bring back Hit Me Baby One More Time. Wonder if they ever did a compilation CD from that thing...

Speaking of compilation CDs...it's almost time to pick Nantucket songs.

Cameo said...

I'm wiping the Viga chicken salad wrap off my screen after spitting it out from the shock and horror of the x-rated Hasselhoff. Priceless, F*er, f-in priceless. I too caught a glimpse of the "Idol" finale out of morbid curiosity. I want to hear your take on "Lost," however. My observations may be a bit skewed from consuming 3/4 of a bottle of white wine -- by myself. I do think it brought me some clarity. Like Desmond the Scot is HOT. I dig the brogue.

SB said...

I think Hassle-the-Hoff's show title should be amended to "America's Got Talent - That's Why I'm Huge In Germany!"

TiVO/DVR is so good.

EPB said...

If you didn't tune into the Idol finale in full, and I did like I did every episode, you missed alot: Tony Braxton coked out of her mind; Al Jareau...found out he was still alive; Mary J Blige outsinging poor Elliot as she did Bono on the Grammy's singing One; Dionne Warwick singing Bert Bacharach songs and having 90% of Idols audience wondering who she was, who Bert was, and what songs were they singing; the Gayken having the funniest moment surprising a cast off from the auditions;Pickler's zipper being down during one of the girls dance numbers (I know I know...); and finally..... Prince????? Since when did he have to sell out to Idol to sell records?

KJ said...

EPB: I wish I had watched more..it sounds like a big, bad Club Med lounge act.

KJ said...

Cameo-The Cavit was in effect here as well. All I can say it was the best LOST episode I've ever seen since we finally learned something: The button really does have meaning; Henry Gale is HIM; Walt is recovered; Desmond (hot) crashed the plane; Locke, the man of faith, was right all along. Jack, the man of science, was not. I just hope Mr. Eko didn't blow himself up for nothing. still don't know what the f is going on in the larger sense...

Code Red said...

I would've responded sooner, but I'm just now regaining my eyesight after clicking on that ASS-elhoff pic with the Sharpeis this morning. What a mistake! How do you say "scarred for life" in german?

Celine said...

Some morbid curiosity made me immediately open this 2nd photo which just plain took my breath away. I can't remember the last time I gasped in horror like that. The nice folks at PETA may have some issues with that poor little pup on Hoff's "lap"??

Nicely done Kate.

BAGS said...

Auntie brought up a good point, (no pun intended) how is that lap puppy staying in place?

JNolan said...

As good friend Jamie will attest, I have been lurking in the shadows of the universe for a while now. What made me click the second Hasselhoff photo is now a academic question to be pondered after I exit therapy. Thanks Kate for the great blog but that was just wrong. I am going home now to hold my chidren and try to shake this memory from my consciousness.

KJ said...

J.No: The Pointy Universe feels it exercised proper editorial discretion in not posting the nude Hasselhoff in the main post. The choice to click on the secondary link was left up to the reader. All I can say is we all wish you a speedy recovery and hope you will not shun the universe as a result of this unfortunate incident.

jal said...

I find it incredible that the pic of David (I just can't bring myself to utter his last name) is worse than the similar one of Burt Reynolds in Cosmo years ago. I thought for sure that couldn't be topped (no pun intended). (link for the curious - I take no responsibility for the after effects)
http://layla.de/maenner1/bild12.html

KJ said...

JAL: I clicked the link. I'm distraught. Burt and David must share the same troubled photog. You'll have to make it up to me by buying me a martini at Jury's...

jal said...

Anytime Mama!!!