10 August 2006

Apocalypse Cocktail Lounge: Crazy Iranian President

Break out the Infidel Zinfandel. We’re all going to die. Possibly as soon as August 22nd.

This news does not come from fringe blogs or sandwich-board-wearing Jesus freaks but from the WSJ, some Middle East scholars, and other smarty pants-types whom, up to now, have had a steady record of humorless sanity. To me, it sounds like the cast of Dr. Strangelove is about to hijack the planet with its doomsday machine.

You can read the entire WSJ piece here, but here’s the gist:

(photo: He may look like a swarthy Patrick Dempsey in this picture but don't let that fool you.)

The Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a devout Shi’ite Muslim who not only believes the end of the world is near but that he can speed up the return of the Islamic messiah a.k.a “the Hidden Imam” by launching a catastrophic jihad -- first against Israel (the “little Satan) and then against the U.S. (the “Great Satan”). This guy is supposedly procuring or may already have acquired nuclear weapons that would give him the ability to fulfill his apocalyptic desire to kill all infidels and earn himself a free ticket to Paradise.

The shit will reportedly hit the fan on August 22 or thereabouts. It’s a date that Ahmadinejad handpicked to respond to the world regarding the future of Iran's much-ballyhooed nuclear program. Turns out Aug 22 is a very sacred date for Muslims; it's the anniversary of the supposed "night flight" by Mohammed from Saudi Arabia to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem to Heaven and back again. Thus, some experts are worried that Ahmadinejad's "response" on August 22nd could come in the form of nuclear holocaust against Israel and/or the United States.


Somebody call Jack Bauer. He could take down this lunatic with a few roundhouse kicks and a pocket knife and nobody else would have to get hurt.

Who knows. This could be well-placed propaganda or just an excuse to bomb Iran. I don’t know what to believe anymore so I choose to believe nothing.

In the meantime, I plan to party like it’s August 21st.

1 comment:

LPD said...

Gives whole new meaning to the phrase, "Holy Sh*t."