16 March 2007

CREAM SHOP FRIDAY: Smell the Sludge, Write a Haiku

LPD officially launched Cream Shop Friday today by sending this photo around. The pic arrived via KW via Rich O. who holds this image in such high esteem, it's the wallpaper on his home computer.

This shithole pictured here is Kelleher’s in Westfield, Mass.

Behold the beveled glass windows, the filthy tattered awning, the massive dumpster just outside the doorway. From the outside, it looks like the kind of place where pool-table gang rapes are commonplace, a place where drunk townies stab outsiders with broken beer bottles. Actually, it looks like that kind of place on the inside too, but that’s beside the point.

The point is, it looks like a bar to avoid -- especially if you're a fresh-faced college student. Instead, we waited in line and paid $5 to get into this joint. And we’d STAY there until we were asked to leave. Once inside, we’d pound 50-cent drafts and Kool-Aid shots, and dance to tunes spun by a greasy throwback named Bruce Parker. And let’s not forget – although I’d like to – I would occasionally spin some tunes, much to the chagrin of line-dancing sluts who hated the Saturday Night Fever vibe I was trying to bring. (Fuck y’all) Anyway, every Saturday night, we’d show up here, get steaming drunk, dance to “Oh What A Night” at least twice, smoke on the fire escape and do some shots downstairs when the slow songs came on. Then, just as the sludge started to congeal on the floors, the lights would come up and we’d stumble out the front door and swarm the hot dog man. Wow. We were cool.

Spend some time in the Cream Shop today and send us some Kelleher's-inspired Haiku. Even if you’ve never been inside, just picture the worst dive you’ve ever been in and the imagery will jive.

LPD and I will go head-to-head to get the ball rolling:

1)
Beautiful shithole
I can almost smell the sludge
Bruce Parker’s greasy

-KJ

2) Who is that I see?
Outside wearing Girbaud pants?
LP dares to swipe
A townie's leather jacket
-LPD

3)
Hot dog man frenzy
Feel the sludge on your shoe-boots
Puke behind Baybanks
-KJ

4) Slow dancing upstairs.
Downstairs, Kool-Aid shots for all!
Closing time is here.
Let's all drink more at Church Street
.
-LPD


Cream Shop Friday is a feature on this blog aimed at causing distraction.

24 comments:

lpd said...

OH LORD! A special shout out to KW for sending this image 'round in the first place. And, of course, to Smitty for having it on his personal home computer. Nice. A few more things to add to the nostaligia:

1) Pickled Eggs
2) The "Good Diggin" bumper sticker
3) Imagine how many youngsters, lacking proper fake ID, scaled that wall and fire escape, both of which were completely covered in urine. Not everyone made it in without injury.
4) KW dancing on the bar to "You shook me all night long"

God, I loved that place.

KJ said...

Good ones, Peete.

Didn't Colleen (last name escapes me) break her leg when she fell over the fence trying to sneak in?

lpd said...

She did indeed. And her roommate burned her hand the same night trying to extinguish a flaming styrofoam cooler in the alley.

Anonymous said...

Future cops dancing
Thinking they're funny and cool
Velveeta slices!

KJ said...

LOL. Awesome.

Rich O. said...

Glad to see you enjoyed this as much as I did. You can't see it in the picture but there is a note on the front door alerting patrons to the fact that Kellihers was closed for the week due to vacation. It also informed everyone that it reopen the following Saturday at 8am...that's right 8am. Who doesn't need to start drinking @ 8 in the morning?

Anonymous said...

"NEXT DAY...thoughts in the hours after Kelleher's"

Feet dangling from porcelain, sorrowful echoes and groan
To my innards, I must amends make and thus atone.
Spoiled Natty Light and hot dogs like fodder through cannons.
Suck it up, a little pepto, because tonight there is "Shannon's".

KJ said...

KILLING ME! Absolutely fantastic. Explosive diarrhea has never sounded so beautiful.

Now I'm going to have to do a post on Shannon's too...

KJ said...

Rich O: Nice to see your name blowing up in the comment box.

Anonymous said...

Murphy, Sully or Kells? Or perhaps is it Flynn?
Regrettable tongue sparring partner for a momentary stint.
Now he's become clingy, what escape route to employ?
Regrettably... Freckles turns into brunch partner at Abdow's Big Boy.

sb said...

In the men's room on the bathroom wall was some chicken scratch that read "Old Hubb - long gone but not forgotten. Young boys from Westfield State – they’ll never know". It's been 14 years since I graduated and I still remember that. Take that toothless townie!

sb said...

Two of my favorite moments that occurred at the upstairs bar of Kelleher’s (Rich O, you'll enjoy both of these b/c you were involved).
1) This soccer dude who knew my brother from Bridgewater, teaching Rich and I how to go to the bathroom at the upstairs bar - even though there is no bathroom upstairs. That's not sludge on the floor, ladies.
2) As I transformed from buzzed to intoxicated, leaning against the bar with Rich O and Wonder, may he rest in peace. Wonder stating the obvious, which had yet to be vocalized until that moment. "Brownie, you have 2 gears, man. Stop and Go." It couldn’t have been said better.

KJ said...

Anonymous OWL-These are too much. The last one hit very close to home except it was the Good Table, not Abdows. You must reveal yourself!

KJ said...

BG-Did you really pee on the dancefloor. Disgrace! I am going to send a case of Dole canned pineapples to your door.

That Wonder hit it right on the head. :(

sb said...

Not the dance floor, KJ. Against the bar. I'm not proud of it now, but it seemed humorous at the time.

KJ said...

BG-Are you kidding. Wish I'd thought of it. I spent more time in line for that filthy loo downstairs than anywhere else.

KW said...

Can you believe no one broke their neck falling down those beer/urine/vomit slicked stairs - thank god that stool was there to break your fall. WHO stole that stool? I clearly remember that stool in one of our apts. late nite.

KJ said...

KW-I don't remember who actually stole it but it ended up at our apt. door and Goy was charging a cover to get in. At first, I thought it was Paul G. but then I realized I was confusing Richie K's stool with the "Godzilla" stool that he stole from that pizza place next door to Copperfield's. What a bunch of stool-steeling assholes.

Anonymous said...

Is Brown-guy dancing?
"it takes two" is the calling
runs but goes nowhere

Anonymous said...

z.caravicci's
stained with hot dog, chili, cheese
drunk and vomiting

KJ said...

Mustard in my hair
A piece of hair in my beer
My hair is drunk too

Anonymous said...

Drip-Dried nights of yore!
Twin bed antics, hot dog breath
Vestiges of youth!

KJ said...

exclamation point.

Anonymous said...

I would like to call it the love shack.If you couldnt get in,depression set in.